Well, NoSlak wanted a war story, how about more of a war how-to.

During desert shield/storm, we were not allowed to have alcohol. But, I was given a military vehicle with free reign to roam wherever I wanted to, so I came up with this:

Myself and one of my soldiers would go into a bedouin village and grab a case of unpasturized grape juice, some yeast, and some sugar. We had the ingredients to make some wine, but the problem was that the bottles were glass and the tops didn't release air, so we had to figure out a way to allow for expansion during the fermentation process.

I finally figured out something that would work...condoms. So myself and a soldier would drive 12 hours one way to the nearest AAFES store and I would purchase about a dozen boxes of condoms at a time. You should have seen the looks I got when I was checking out, very jealous.

We experimented with various amounts of yeast to see what amount worked best, and at first we used way too much. It was funny, you could tell who had been drinking our first few batches of wine because their farts smelled like baked bread.

We finally settled on a half teaspoon of yeast and one cup of sugar to a 2 liter bottle. We'd slap a condom on the top to allow expansion of the gasses, and after about 7 days of fermentation, we had a bottle of wine that would give you a pretty good buzz.

That is what kept us normal throughout the war, my whole section from the Major on down would meet every couple nights in our work tent to play some matchstick poker and drink some of our fine wine. My Major is now a 2 star General, but if I meet him again, the first thing I will ask him is if he is ready for some poker and some Desert Storm wine.

Quote: Originally Posted by BA It was funny, you could tell who had been drinking our first few batches of wine because their farts smelled like baked bread.

That is too funny. I quite literally laughed out loud.

I wish I would have known that when I was in afganistan, we raided lots of places but we couldnt tell what they were cuz they were in arabic, you could smell them but they didnt smell that great so we were chicken.

HAHAHA That was good BA, I wouldnt be suprised if you still had some Desert Storm Wine

w00t ! , nice one !!!

Lucky bastard. We were high and dry, at least until I won the lottery and got to go on the R&R ship, then it was 3 days of hard drinking.

We used to mess with our Sergeant. I was an electronics tech, and the days leading up to the ground war were very busy for us. We worked pretty much around the clock. After a couple days with no sleep you tend to get a little goofy. One LATE night, our NCO (supervisor) was asleep while we were working. Sooooo. we got some of the milky white hand creame and dribbled it around his mouth and on his chin. When he finally woke up he wipes his face and looks at his hand, and my buddy and I just looked back at him and winked at him. Man talk about a priceless moment.

Now there is some improvising...
Man green, over yeasted, fruit wine.
that could give away your position...

Great one BA........that's called "Keeping everyone stable and stress-free"......

Quote: Originally Posted by Slider Lucky bastard. We were high and dry, at least until I won the lottery and got to go on the R&R ship, then it was 3 days of hard drinking.

Man, I was scheduled 3 times to go to the Mercy, but we jumped each time.

It was great BA. Sitting in a bar that was open on one end to the deck. Drinking beer and watching an aerobics class.