I was doing some cleaning a few weeks ago, in preparation for my parents' visit, and I came across a humorous version of an "Old School" NCO Evaluation. Even the non-military folks will get a chuckle... I tried to clean it up, so just use your imagination... Enjoy!

KNOWLEDGE:a_____ The SOB really knows his stuff.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Knows just enough to be a danger to himself and others.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Only half a brain, but still dangerous.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Freakin' brain-damaged. His coffee cup has a higher IQ.
__________________________________________________
ACCURACY:aaa _____ Does excellent work if not preoccupied with females.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Pretty good. Only occasionally blows it out his butt.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Has to take his shoes off to count past ten.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Couldn't count his own cojones and get the same number twice.
__________________________________________________
ATTITUDE: aaaa_____ Extremely cooperative (if you kiss his butt frequently enough)
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Brown-noser in good standing.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Irritates co-workers, thinks he owns the place.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Doesn't give a crap. Never has, never will...
__________________________________________________
RELIABILITY: aa_____ Totally dependable little SOB.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Works so hard he has to take an extra day off every week.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Can be relied on to be the first one out the door.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Totally fecking worthless.
__________________________________________________
APPEARANCE: a_____ Extremely neat. Even combs his nose hairs.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Look great...ON HIS DAY OFF
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Flies leave fresh dog poop to follow him.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Dirty, smelly, filthy SOB.
__________________________________________________ _
PERFORMANCE: _____ Goes 1000mph if there is any money in it for him.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Does all sorts of neat stuff at evaluation time.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Works well after an enema.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Couldn't do less if he were in a coma.
__________________________________________________ _
LEADERSHIP:aaa_____ Carries a chainsaw and gets good results.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Overly macho attitude. Commands total disgust.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ His dog fasted for three days the last time he brought home pork chops.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaa_____ Mother Theresa told him to go F himself.
__________________________________________________ _

I understand that I have been counseled regarding the areas mentioned above. I understand my rights under the Privacy Act of 1989. I further acknowledge that I am F'd up like a football bat, and I will make some attempt to correct my deficiencies.

______________________________ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa___________________________
Counselee's Signature aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaCounselor's Signature

DISCLAIMER: This is not a real evaluation checklist, and for sure it isn't one I've received...

Very Very cool.

That would work nicely for some of the staff I have worked with.

Printing a copy for the training room right now...lol

Quote: Originally Posted by fairlane_68 Printing a copy for the training room right now...lol

Please make sure you "unclean" it up before you run it off... LOL It just has a certain ring to it when sprinkled with profanity...

You know there is always a "Kernel" of trueth at the heart of most jokes....

This is without a doubt the most honest evaluation sheet I have ever seen, the "Real" ones they give out realy don't tell you anything IMO.

Brutally honest may be funny, but it leaves no doubts as to the meaning of what the words are saying.

In todays "Politically Correct" business world, you need a PHD to undertand the subtlle meanings behind statements/questions.

In the early nineties I was told by my supervisor never to use the word "Normally" if I was asked a maint. or procedure question by a visting "Evaluation team" (Customers like Toyota, GM, or Ford)

He said use "Typically" and I don't remember exactly what his reason was, but it was something like it is more "Precise Language"

Wich realy means to me it had something to do with "Legaleze" if they ever were taken to court

Wouldn't it be so nice if "We'" could just make a new law against lawyers/corporations/governments making "Stupid" laws and policies only they can understand?

Heh.............Ahhhh........a glimpse of the "OLD" days...........One of the guys in my unit showed me a copy of a similar eval when he got back from BNOC..........That's as it should be in the real world ...........

Oh great GN72 , you just had to post this up didnt you !!!! I can see GK now ......

For example ... " HTRN , could you please step into my office , Its time for your Eval "

** another great DD GN72 **

Oh, is it time for the PCA Staff Evals already? Are ya worried or something?

(PSST! HTRN, remember, we're not really getting PAID for this...)

Combine this with some wall-to-wall counseling for the truly 11-up:3-down and you got yerself a winner. Hooah?

there is a bat in football?

Quote: Originally Posted by flounder405 there is a bat in football?

Only the Nerf variety.

hehehehe, I like this one. I'm not military but that is one funny piece of material.

Most honest words were never spoken...I retired after my 30 yrs in 1987 and seeing the changes in the U.S. Armed forces of today I am glad to be retired. Politically correct has no place in the military now or then. My personal opinion and I will stick to it. COB U.S. Navy..Diesel Boats Forever.quote=$SOLID$ Necro]You know there is always a "Kernel" of trueth at the heart of most jokes....

This is without a doubt the most honest evaluation sheet I have ever seen, the "Real" ones they give out realy don't tell you anything IMO.

Brutally honest may be funny, but it leaves no doubts as to the meaning of what the words are saying.

In todays "Politically Correct" business world, you need a PHD to undertand the subtlle meanings behind statements/questions.

In the early nineties I was told by my supervisor never to use the word "Normally" if I was asked a maint. or procedure question by a visting "Evaluation team" (Customers like Toyota, GM, or Ford)

He said use "Typically" and I don't remember exactly what his reason was, but it was something like it is more "Precise Language"

Wich realy means to me it had something to do with "Legaleze" if they ever were taken to court

Wouldn't it be so nice if "We'" could just make a new law against lawyers/corporations/governments making "Stupid" laws and policies only they can understand?[/quote]

heheh - reminds me of my last school report card. - no wait!
i didnt go to school