Kids Write the Darndest Things...

GrandpaNoob72 · 05-June-06, 04:54 AM

Once again, it's my turn to contribute another post to the Daily Disturbance... Perhaps something witty, a departure from my usual serious, grumpy-old-fart material as of late...

Unfortunately, I've been swamped at work and at home (you try to put together a truly memorable 3rd Birthday party for your child sometime, on only a couple hours' time...), so I figured I'd share something that my wife emailed me a couple weeks ago...Funny things kids say and write...

If you need a laugh, then read through these Children's Science Exam answers. These are real answers from school kids... Enjoy!

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Have a great week, folks!

ranger1033 · 05-June-06, 07:28 AM

That was really good GrandpaNoob72,

i like the one about the farmer and the cow i will have to tell my uncle that one since he is a farmer.

eascarface · 05-June-06, 12:33 PM

Very cool. I've had some experiance with kids saying stuff like that. My favorite was when I told a kid his computer was frozen and he asked If I would warm it up for him. The kid was in accelerated World Geography. I think I went home and cried after that.

Anyways very nice post Grandpa.

kipman725 · 05-June-06, 02:34 PM

he he the borax one was the funiest I think.

IronSerif · 05-June-06, 07:18 PM

lol good stuff man

GrandpaNoob72 · 05-June-06, 08:57 PM

See what happens when you leave me to post my own stuff, Iron?

05-June-06, 04:54 AM		#1 (permalink)
GrandpaNoob72 Eleven-Bravo Sitrep Writer	Kids Write the Darndest Things... Once again, it's my turn to contribute another post to the Daily Disturbance... Perhaps something witty, a departure from my usual serious, grumpy-old-fart material as of late... Unfortunately, I've been swamped at work and at home (you try to put together a truly memorable 3rd Birthday party for your child sometime, on only a couple hours' time...), so I figured I'd share something that my wife emailed me a couple weeks ago...Funny things kids say and write... If you need a laugh, then read through these Children's Science Exam answers. These are real answers from school kids... Enjoy! Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Have a great week, folks!

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05-June-06, 07:28 AM		#2 (permalink)
ranger1033 Imperial News Bounty Hunter	That was really good GrandpaNoob72, i like the one about the farmer and the cow i will have to tell my uncle that one since he is a farmer.

05-June-06, 12:33 PM		#3 (permalink)
eascarface Apex Tech God	Very cool. I've had some experiance with kids saying stuff like that. My favorite was when I told a kid his computer was frozen and he asked If I would warm it up for him. The kid was in accelerated World Geography. I think I went home and cried after that. Anyways very nice post Grandpa.

05-June-06, 02:34 PM		#4 (permalink)
kipman725 Apex Master Tech	he he the borax one was the funiest I think.

05-June-06, 07:18 PM		#5 (permalink)
IronSerif Lead Pimp Writer? Hell Yeah!	lol good stuff man

05-June-06, 08:57 PM		#6 (permalink)
GrandpaNoob72 Eleven-Bravo Sitrep Writer	See what happens when you leave me to post my own stuff, Iron?