So I just got back from an employee dinner which was really cool, but now I have to pack real quick cause it looks like we're heading up to Pittsburgh for the weekend! Dont' ask me why...something my friends put together lol!
So on that note...Joke time! Enjoy


For those of you who have to do employee evaluations or have ever been evaluated: these quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations.
(1) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
(2) "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
(3) "I would not allow this employee to breed."
(4) "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
(5) "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
(6) "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
(7) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
(8) "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
(9) "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
(10) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
(11) "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
(12) "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
(13) "A gross ignoramus - - - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
(14) "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
(15) "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
(16) "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
(17) "He's been working with glue too much."
(18) "He would argue with a signpost."
(19) "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
(20) "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
(21) "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
(22) "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
(23) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
(24) "A prime candidate for natural deselection."
(25) "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
(26) "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
(27) "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
(28) "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
(29) "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
(30) "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans.
(31) "It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
(32) "One neuron short of a synapse."
(33) "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
(34) "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

k and last one...


This is an old blonde joke (I think all of them are old lol) but still gives me a good laugh!


A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, "Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us."
So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down.

The next morning, the cops said, "Come out with your hands in the air!"

The red-head said, "Hide in those baskets, they'll never find us!"

So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one. Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there. Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets.

So the cop kicked the first one: "RUFF."

"It's just a damn dog!" yelled the cop.

The cop kicked the next one: "MEOW."

"It's just a damn cat," yelled the cop.

The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, "POTATOES!"


Alright crew I'm outta here. Hope everyone has a great weekend. And on a side note, I just received my Skull Candy TI headphones today...super sweet...so I'll be putting them to good use this weekend!

Peace out!

An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"That may be true," answered the blond wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill"!

A lot of those first ones I found also at NCOER.com, but here are some that they have that were missed... Had to include them as well...

I know of no national emergency that would justify promoting this NCO above his current grade

This officer reminds me very much of gyroscope -- always spinning around at a
frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

He has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age.

If brains were dynamite he would not have enough to blow his nose