dont know how to put up an intro to this so im just going to say it.

Saterday night my good freind steven shot himself at his girlfreinds house. she said that she wanted to break up with him, and later that night (while still over there) he took the easy way out. myself and three other friends where asked by his grandparents to go and collect some of his things from his now ex girlfiends house, on sunday. we poored out what was left in a few bottles of champagne and got his overnight bag along with some other little things after the police said it was ok. i assumed that the police would have cleaned up the mess but no, i saw more than i wanted of the after effects on the sofa and wall.
stevens roomate was at the house also and is being questiond (his roomate goes everywhere with him).

Im pretty sure this was the ultamate guilt trip that steven was trying to put on her. still i think in most cases, like this one, suicide is a weak move and a selfish one. What about all the people who cared about him like family and friends.. im pretty sure most of it was the alcohal thinking but still...

he was 22 years old...

Sorry to hear about your friend, beachbum86 may he RIP im am sure it will be hard thing for you to forget, but you can remember him for all the good times you had together.

I had a friend commit suicide in high school many years ago. He was a foster kid who thought that no one loved him. It was at his house on the last day of school (where you show up for an hour to get your report card then split). There was some alcohol and some marijuana there, and he got to talking about suicide. No one took it seriously...after all, no one we knew had committed suicide before. It was just something that didn't happen.

He jumped up, grabbed the shotgun out of the gun cabinet, and went downstairs. No one thought he was serious until three minutes later, we heard the shotgun fire. Out of all of it, the one thing that I remember is seeing that he had cut his big toe trying to get it into the trigger guard. It isn't a pretty picture and I had nightmares for weeks on end after that.

I know what you are feeling, beach. I've been there myself. There are so many questions that you want to ask yourself, such as "why" and "for what purpose"? It'll take time, but eventually you'll come to the conclusion that you'll just never know for sure...that your friend was selfish enough to leave without an explaination. That's the time when the sadness will go away and the anger will set it. Don't worry...it's a healthy reaction. Eventually, it'll turn to sorrow and fond rememberance. It's just the cycle that many people go through.

One thing for sure...talk about it and talk about it often over the next couple of weeks. It's one of the things that got me through my ordeal. You can't keep everything all bottled up inside because it'll just fester into something you won't like. Talking about it, while hard at first, makes things come easier to you in the end.

My friend Mike was only 17 years old and thought that he was alone in the world. It took his death to realize how many people actually cared for him. It's unfortunate that he didn't see that for himself before he left us. Maybe he would have had a change of heart or maybe not, we'll never know for sure.

Just know that I'm sending you some good energy to help you through this ordeal.

Signed,

B.

Sorry to hear about your friend bb... tragic.

Quote: Originally Posted by beachbum86 he was 22 years old...

... and a selfish prick to boot.
Sorry - that was was a bit harsh, but I've lost more than a few very good friends to suicide over the last 3-4 years - and each time it happens I get more and more angry at the situation, and at the people who have done it.

I'm sorry about your loss BB, Having to help the family and friends of someone that's ended their life sucks so much and is damn tough.
People that I knew who had done similar tend to have their head do far up their ass they can't see the fact that there are people in this world that care about them - tunnel vision mixed with depression and selfishness

I won't lie, I've been on the edge too - but there are people in this world that I actually care enough about not to ever see again (parents, friends etc...)

So why do it? really.

Strength to you bro - hope that you and your friends can regain some degree of normality soon.

Quote: Originally Posted by Master p ... and a selfish prick to boot. Sorry - that was was a bit harsh, but I've lost more than a few very good friends to suicide over the last 3-4 years - and each time it happens I get more and more angry at the situation, and at the people who have done it. I'm sorry about your loss BB, Having to help the family and friends of someone that's ended their life sucks so much and is damn tough. People that I knew who had done similar tend to have their head do far up their ass they can't see the fact that there are people in this world that care about them - tunnel vision mixed with depression and selfishness I won't lie, I've been on the edge too - but there are people in this world that I actually care enough about not to ever see again (parents, friends etc...) So why do it? really.

I have to totally have to agree with you Masterp on that i have come so close so many times myself, being a signal white male at the age of 40 now wondering if i will ever find another nice girl to settle down with, but with my type of work i do it is hard to look for one being on the road all the time, so what i tend to do is amuse myself with my laptop online talking to fellow pimps or pimpettes or other friends to past the time by, and when i am at home i have my Mom who i am so grateful to have still alive, i spend as much time as i can with her since she is the only parent i have left and then when i am not with her i have 2 other friends who i have known since child hood. And if it was not for them and my mother helping me coping with the lost of my last girl, i probably would not be here no longer on this earth, but they had assured me there is more to life then having a girl it would be family and great friends that will stand by you no matter what might happen.

why, is a very good question. steven had a little over a million dollars for him in his grandparents will, along with a nice sized house and a Benz.

for the past month ive noticed a change in his overall attitude, usually he is one of those realy c0cky guys in a group but recently he was alot more passive and mellow (not like steven). Girls to him where a means of satifisfaction not love or companionship, except for his most current girlfriend who he had alot of respect for (first one). this was the first girl who he'd actually try and talk through an argument and admit his wrongs. if anything i was seeing a 180 in his life choices and saw a better person......so i wonder why end his own life when he made so much effort to become a better person.

could the breakup to him be a slap in his face after all his life changes to keep her? this is what i think what happend.

still, none the less, Selfish.

im sorry for the loss dude...another reason alcohol is bad

Im in highschool right now, I couldnt imagine losing anyone to this, the thought scares me.

Im sorry beachbum.

Sorry to hear about your weekend. That must of been horible for you and your friends and the family. After seeing all the blood and stuff I am sure you really stopped and made you think of things. Life is interesting and you never know what you are going to get to see the next day and some of these moments are always going to be apart of life. Hang in there bro!

It's odd really - most of the people that I know who've killed themselves have done it over something stemming from a relationship

Mostly, it's been the "she/he's left me - I can't go on" or "nobody loves me" crap.

WAKE UP PEOPLE - someone leaving you, or not being able to find the god/goddess of your dreams is not the end of the world!!!
You don't have to like it, but you do need to take a step back and look at things objectively without emotion:
I'm still young(ish) so I'm by no means an expert - this stuff has honestly helped me a bunch through the junk that I've had to endure:

"I'm sorry! Don't leave meee!"
Why are they leaving - was it because of something stupid that you have done, were they dumping you to get away? either way if you're prepared to do something serious enough to warrant dumping without forgiveness - you don't deserve to be with that person at that point in your life.
You need to make sure you learn the lesson and DON'T do it again to the next person (yes there will be someone else)
So, just like at PCA, learn your lesson, apologize, suck it up and move on.

If they are dumping you for no apparrent reason - why would you want to be with someone who's prepared to do that anyway?
You won't be happy constantly worrying about whether this person will leave you or not and falling all over yourself to make them happy.
Move onto someone nicer

"I'm so lonely"
So you can't get the ladies/guys - but you're a nice person!
Think about who would make you happy - someone that looks like a movie star/model/god/goddess? someone that is wealthy enough to take care of you? someone that has a good heart and matches you completely? someone that wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them?

If you said yes to either of the first two - rethink your standards.
I'd be a liar if I said looks don't play a part in choosing a partner - but if you keep getting denied by people that are equally as shallow and superficial - but it's what you REALLY want - go save and get plastic surgery, or call extreme makeover - not kill yourself.

The second two up there are where I'm at at this point in life - and I'm happier than anybody here will ever know, and i've been fortunate enough to get someone that looks stunningly beautiful too

There are a bizillion people out there looking for the exact same thing as you - sometimes it's tougher than normal (ranger - out on the road's rought, but know that there'll be someone out there for you - and it'll be worth the wait dude )

It's happened to me and I'm no different from anyone else here really (well apart from my stunning physique, chiseled features and huuuuuuuuuuge.... bank balance yeah right)

I guess ultimately, you have a choice - to sit down and cry, or to step up and take the hits until you make it.
The hard part's taking the plunge and doing it.

*reaches for some tony robbins motivational tapes*

I lost my half brother and a friend in high school to suicide. Sorry you had to go through it too.

Sorry to here bro. I've been in ur shoes before.

I've had more than a few people commit suicide or attempt it (barly mad it).

3 people on my street when i was living w/ my parents.

My neighbors son has tried it on and off for last 10 years, known him well, but he straightend his life out. thank god.

my cousin tried more than i can count and came a couple of seconds away from dieing.

Tough times, it's hardest on the family friends and anybody that loved them.

If u see someone going down the wrong bank we need to help them thax waz friends are for.

Suicide is not the answer and unforunatly, I think its also a Physchological disease..

Not To make you feel guilty BB, but those are signs you, and everyone else should watch out for in an individual, for if anything like that goes on, they (the experts) say it should be reported to someone...

We all go through hard times in our life, maybe for a couple months, Maybe for a couple years (but at that point, I myself would do something about it, Not suicide, but what ever the situation is I'll make a plan.) But to do it over the loss of a GF/BF is selfish. In my current situation, I cant do anything but sit back and watch. Do I hate just sitting here and watching the flake fly across the battlefield? Of course. Would I commit suicide over it? No, I would go through alot of personal Struggle, and I wont lie, Ive thought about it. But then I remember a couple things. 1) How would people on PCA feel about? 2) People at school 3) My relatives (My Aunt and Uncle have lost a son because of it..) 4) Close Family. They arent in any order, but at times some do take higher priorty than others..

However, I do reccomend seeing a Counselor for anyone going through a rough time in their life. He/she does help alot . (and I know whatyour thinking, You think just because you go to a shrink your crazy...nope..)

Anyway, I am verry Sorry to hear BB.

I've been on both sides of this equation - Finding the body and nearly becoming the body myself.

When I was in college, I had a tight group of friends that hung out every chance we got. My best buddy's girlfriend was best friends with her brother's girlfriend and so on. The stickiness comes into this when the boyfriend/brother and his gf break up. It was a pretty amicable breakup on the visable surface, or so we all thought. Turns out he was absolutely MESSED up by it.

What makes it REALLY sticky is that she and I hooked up after a while (I'm not gonna stab a friend/brother in the back by jumping on thier fresh ex. I let the releationship age out and make sure that no one's going to get bitchy about it. You know, making sure they stay friends). Turns out that he was thinking they were on their way back to couplehood.

So, he od's on pills one night, gives us all our 'good bye' notes and thinks we're just going to let him go gently. My ass we will . . . we get his ass to the hospital where he's pumped and cleaned up, and SUPPOSEDLY going to be held over for 72 hours of observation (Which is the LAW in Maine).

Instead, he signs himself out at about noon the next day. Flash forward to that evening when the group minus him go hang out for a bit, then head back to his house. The girl decides to go see how he's doing, making sure he's still up and up (In the early morning he was bright and chipper and actually thanking us for keeping him safe. A total turnaround, we though.)

Next thing we know, she's screaming her ass off. I go running to his room to see what's wrong. . . Let's just say that the smell of spent gunpowder and blood were in the air. . . thankfully, the way he fell, the damage ended up being hidden (he put a shotgun to his head) and all the girl saw was the blood spray.

Fastforward about 4 months after we all get even tighter as a group due to the crisis. Girl and I are on the rocks due to this, even if we don't realize that's what's the problem. I'm blaming myself becaus "I stole his girl". My grades in college are suffering, and I come down with the worse case of strep throat I've ever seen.

And one night, I come to a point where checking myself out sounds like a hell of an idea.

I don't know exactly WHAT it was that kicked me in the ass, but I realized that that was the weak way. I needed to clean myself up, break out of the bad situation I was in, and spend time recovering. To that end, I withdrew from school . . the girl and I broke up and she ended up with the man who became her husband and father of her two kids and I spent 6 months rebuilding myself as a person, thankfully I was able to do so in a safe place with little stress due to my parents.

I had a LOT of appologising to do to my friends and family for the way I treated them during that time (I was an ass for that entire year) and when I finally got back on my feet, things have been full speed ahead since.

Because of both his suicide and my near suicide, I no longer have ANY sympathy for those who take that easy way out. I'm sympathetic as hell for who they leave behind, however. Those are the ones who really have to deal with the issues.

Anyway, I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

Oh, and by the way, The cops aren't responsible for cleaning up anything, unfortunately. They leave that to the owners of the house/aptment.

Even after a professional cleaning crew was brought in to strip out our friends room/steam clean the walls and floor/sterilize the room, it still reeked of cordite and blood. There's no covering those smells.

D

These type of events in life usually bring me to reflect on the lyrics of The Moody Blues:

Now you know that you are real,
Show your friends that you and me
Belong to the same world,
Turned on to the same word,
Have you heard?

Now you know that you are free,
Living all your life at ease.
Each day has its always,
A look down life's hallways, doorways,
To lead you there.

Now you know how nice it feels,
Scatter good seed in the fields.
Life's ours for the making,
Eternity's waiting, waiting,
For you and me.

Now you know that you are real,
Show your friends that you and me
Belong to the same world,
Turned on to the same word,
Have you heard?
Have you heard?
Have you heard?
Have you heard?
Have you heard?

DaYuM BB, I feel for ya Bro , cuz although ter friends gone the aftermath is bound to be a long felt thing.

I know im not the only one that has lost a good freind, and i know that there are those who have been in more tragic situations. I have very much respect to you guys/gals who have gone through this sorta thing and been able to see through the dark into the light of things and that everything happens for a reason. even though the reason may not sit well with you, its good to know that in some way, shape or form, the situation has done good somewhere somehow.

You'll never know what was really going on in your friends head.
The pain he felt , while seemingly minor to others, was overwhelming to him.
Its to bad he didnt give it a little more time.
eventually life moves on, and the pain fades.


I'm sorry for your loss...

I'm sorry as well....

and I'm sorry that his friends and his familiy has to go through what they're going through....

like RBIEZE said...none of us probably knew what was really going on through his head....

I've never known anyone to committ suicide....I've had a couple friends who have said they thought about it but not entirely sure if they were telling the truth or not...couldn't picture any of them actually going through with it...thank God.