So for some reason I'm tired as hell today. Also felt like this week was completly dragging....
Just glad it's Friday, couldn't come any sooner lol!
So while I try to get enough energy to start my friday night...Joke time! Enjoy


First one's sent in by a friend of mine...

Peter recently got engaged to the girl of his dreams. She was young,
beautiful, and very intelligent. Her family was fairly old fashioned, however,
and required that he come and stay with them for a week.
Upon arrival at their house, he was quickly whisked inside by his fiancee's
family, and then was introduced to everyone. He met his fiancee's father, who
was a very stern man of 51, his mother who seemed quite nice, and her sister
who was a year younger. Her sister, however, looked at him in a way that made
his quite uncomfortable.
After a bit of talking, the parents said that they needed to go out to the
grocery store and pick up a few things for the party that night. Because they
needed to order the wedding cake, they asked that his fiancee accompany them.
He was told to stay home, unpack and relax. The sister volunteered to begin
cooking what they already had in preparation for that night.
After the parents and the man's fiancee left, the sister went upstairs, and he
began to look around the house and make himself at home. Before he could get
far, however, he heard his fiancee's sister call his name from the top of the
stairs. "Peter, come here please!"
He walked to the bottom of the stairs, and was shocked to see his fiancee's
sister standing at the top of the stairs in her underwear. She called down to
him, "Peter, come up here will you? I wanna make you feel at home." And then
she winked at him and motioned that he come up. Peter was very nervous and
felt somewhat uncomfortable. The sister then said "It's unfair that my big
sister get everything, and I'm always jealous. Please come up here and be with
me for a bit. My sister will never find out, and I'll feel a whole lot better
inside."
By this time, Peter was very uncomfortable. Quickly, he turned around to the
door and ran out to his car in their driveway. He fumbled around with his keys
to unlock the car. As he was fumbling with his keys, his fiancee's father came
out of the front door. "Peter, my boy! Congratulations! You passed our little
test. I am now pleased to welcome you to the family!"
The moral of the story? Always leave your condoms in your car.


Love it! See, sometimes jokes can be funny AND educational Thanks man!

and last one....

An Englishman ,a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the
Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by
rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and
Irishman ask him what he was doing.
"Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies
and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech
started: Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better
than that English b@stard and started his speech by making an antler symbol
with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he explained"
By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my
speech by saying: Deer Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one
further than those mainland b@stards and started his speech by making an
antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then
masturbating furiously.
When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well" he
explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then
masturbating I was starting my speech by saying: Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it
gives me great pleasure......."



Alright guys I'm outta here! while I try to put myself together and get rid of this headache...have a great weekend!
Peace out

I'm sure there are hunters here in our online comunity so I thought I would
let you all in on a little known secreat.

How to cahtch a Polar Bear.

Even though a Polar bear is a carnavor there is also a little known matter that Polar bears like peas as a treat.

So the trick to catching a polar bare is:

You have to go out onto the ice pack and cut a hole in the ice.
Once the hole is large enough you have to sprinkle peas all around the hole.

Now comes the tricky part.

When the Polar bear stops to take a pea you kick him in the ICEhole!


HAHAHAHHAH I kill me!

Oh man, I love that first one IS! That's phunny Pharaoh!

A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle Me Elmo" dolls. It was Friday and almost quitting time, and hurriedly the boss told her to to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.

On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut down because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her.

Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls.

The boss could not control his laughter and said,

"Lady, I said to give each doll Two-----Test-----Tickles."
__________________________________________________ ________________________________
Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head Samurai so he sent out a message to one and all that he was searching for one. A year passes and only 3 people show up, a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish Samurai.

The emperor asks the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai. The Japanese Samurai opens a match box and out>pops a little fly. Whoosh goes his sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces.

The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"

The emperor then asks the Chinese Samurai to come in and demonstrate. The Chinese Samurai opens a match box and out pops a fly. Whoosh whoosh. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces. "That is really impressive."

The emperor then has the Jewish Samurai demonstrate why he should be the head Samurai. The Jewish Samurai thinks, if it works for the other two, why not try. Whoooooooossshhh. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still alive and buzzing around.

The emperor says in disappointment, "why is the fly not dead?" The Jewish Samurai replies, "If you look closely, the fly has been circumcised!"
__________________________________________________ ________________________________
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.

"You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work.

By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?"

"I was in bed." "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion."

That first one was great, IS.

lol thanks man!

And thanks to Spec and Pharaoh, great jokes guys