Sweeett....finally friday and finally St. Patty's Day!
Let the irish and drunk/bar jokes rip!!

First one's sent in by a buddy of mine...

Drunk Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers into a Catholic
Church, enters a confessional
box, sits down but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the Ole just sits
there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side
either."

That one's always been a good one...thanks man!

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city
one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the
road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya
been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink
this evening".
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across
his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of
your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd
gone deaf."

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've
stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even
the accelerator," he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second
time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a
hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits
next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going
straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"

and last one for the night....



Two Irish guys are fishing. The first fisherman reels in his line and sees
that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops
out and promises to grant him one wish.
"Turn the lake into beer," he says.
The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer.
The first fisherman says to the other guy, "So what do you think?"
The other guy says, "You idiot. Now we've got to piss in the boat."



Alright guys, go out, have fun, and get something to drink!

Have a great weekend, Peace out

A little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself."

"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.

"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"

"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"
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A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking.
The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"

The husband replies, "Autumn."
__________________________________________________ ________________________________
One afternoon, a Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves and both of their barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces.

The Admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that crap on me. My wife will think I've been in a brothel!"

The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."

heh spectrum, i think that last line is supposed to be "he would be screwing somebody else". otherwise doesn't make sense that the democrats playing with himself . ..