Sorry about not posting anything last week guys, really busy week, and the prior week was horrible. Anyways...XMen 2 was awesome if you haven't seen it, go see it. If you've seen it, go see it again.

Other than that, on to the funnies! Enjoy

Funny Jokes of the night:

1st joke-

A woman went to the beach with her children. Her 4-year-old
son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the
shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand.
Mommy, what happened to him? the little boy asked.

He died and went to heaven, she replied.

The child thought for a moment and said, And God threw him
back down?

2nd joke-

Hilary is not feeling well. She goes to her doctor and gets a complete physical, only to find out that she is pregnant. She is furious and cant believe this has happened. She calls the White House and gets Bill on the phone, and immediately begins to berate him, screaming: How could you have let this happen? With all of the trouble going on right now, you go and get me pregnant!!! How could you?!

I just found out I am pregnant and it is your fault! How could you??? What have you got to say???

There is nothing but silence on the phone. She screams again: CAN YOU HEAR ME???

Bills quiet voice comes on in a barely audible whisper...Who is this?

3rd joke-

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some b*st*rd stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger


4th joke-
There was a successful doctor who had an office in a small midwestern town. He decided that he wasn't happy with his life and needed a change, so he went and got himself a sex change operation.
A couple of weeks later he returned to his practice. His secretary wondered why it took him so long to return. 'Well, it hurt alot more than I thought it would.'

Then she asked him, 'What part hurt the most? Was it when they cut off your man-hood or when they pumped you full of air to make your breasts that big?'

He said 'Well, that hurt, but not bad enough to keep me at home for so long. What hurt the most was when they drilled a hole in my head and pumped out half of my brains!'

5th joke-

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, “Quick pour me twelve drinks.”
So the bartender pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another. The bartender says to the guy, “Boy you are drinking those drinks really fast.”

The guys says, “Well, you would be drinking really fast too if you had what I've got.”

The bartender says, “What've you got?”

The guy says, “75 cents.”

6th joke-

The City Health Inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat to where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the Health Inspector nearly chokes when he see that he is not wearing a shirt. The chef then proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest.
Appalled, the Health Inspector had barely finished writing up this infraction when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked and bewildered, the Health Inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen.

"That's nothing," said the manager, "you should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts

Funny Rules of Dating of the Night:

Dads Rules of Dating

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you"e;d better be delivering a package, because you"e;re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter"e;s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don"e;t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, infact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I"e;m sure you"e;ve been told that in today"e;s world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don"e;tyou do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid,. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camoflaged face at the window is mine.

Misc. things of the night:

1st Misc. Thing-

For all of you people getting ready for Christmas (you know who you are), it's time to purchase some Shotgun Shell Christmas Lights!. You know you want some

2nd Misc. Thing-

This is one of the coolest things, well sorta. It's a Honda Advertisement and I think the advertisement shows every part in a honda. See the fun things u can watch while you're in a science of water class?

3rd Misc. Thing-

Ever wanted to write a speech for our president? Well, now you can! Write a speech for President Bush with this President Bush speech maker thingie

Funny Comic Strips of the nigh:

Took some comic strips about this white ninja guy. Don't really know if it's funny, but hey, at this time in the morning it really doesnt matter!

1st Comic Strip
White Ninja & the Northpole

2nd Comic Strip
White Ninja & A Severed Head

3rd Comic Strip
White Ninja To The Rescue

4th Comic Strip
White Ninja Drinking Milk

Funny Flash stuff of the night:

1st Flash thing-
Ok, this is for all of you House of 1000 Corpses type of people out there lol...
Here is another one of those Happy Tree Family flash animations. Remember, it's not what you expect...and it is gross

2nd Flash thing-

This one is for all of you sick people out there that use Magnifying glasses to burn/kill things. Burn Down A City & it's People

lol, that one falsh made me laugh, almost snorted my can of coke. Shoulda told me it was funny before I took a drink Similar to that ptunias one you posted before. I destroyed the city in the other one..lol...made my day dude...

Haha yeah...those Happy Tree Friends flash things are crazy....

I got another funny video to post tomorrow..nothing with that ptunia in it...but it definately made me roll

the 75 cents bar joke was a very good one hahahha

HAHA yeah I like the 75 cent joke too, funny thing is I could picture my poor arse doing something like that..

lol!! Try to pull that one on Cinco de Mayo

i did that at hardys once got a hole meal for a dollar

yeah whats cinco de mayo alls i know is its 5th of may is it like a drinking holliday cause its always in beer ads

Here's a lil Cinco De Mayo History for ya...although some people will swear Cinco De Mayo is the day the Corona was invented...lol

And here is some Mexican Food Recipes for Cinco De Mayo..lol

Yeah..we're slow today at work

Ugh! We were like totally busy here at work the past two and a half hours...bllah.

Ok, anyways...Here is the funny video I was talking about. It might take a lil long to download, but it's Hilarious

Basically it's a videotape of this kid thinking he knows how to fight as a jedi

http://www.waxy.org/random/video/Star_Wars_Kid.wmv

And of course, it wouldn't take long for someone to remix it a lil bit...same video but with more visual and sound effects

http://www.waxy.org/random/video/Sta..._Kid_Remix.wmv

ill have to check it out in school onteh t 1 i got 56k for the time being at my house

Cool man, check it out whenever u get the chance...

heh, Iron, I think I posted that link in a thread I started about jokes yesterday..its hilarious lol..

ahh that provided my computer class with much laughter