Well, I really didn't learn anything tonight, which also means there are no morals to any stories tonight. So, on to the funnies!

Enjoy!

2am funny flash stuff of the night:

1st flash thing- Here's a lil flash about How to Crap in the Woods. Open your minds...I'm sure we can all learn something.

2nd flash thing- This is awesome, it's about how different famous people explaining their thoughts on Why The Chicken Crossed the Road. The Bible and Erry Falwells explanations were funny Disclaimer: Possible porn ads

3rd flash thing- Ok, this one is not for the weak hearted. At first, you're thinking awww...soo cute! And then BAM, you're wrong. Don't know what I'm talking about? Well check out Pentunia's summertime adventures. Not what you expect..I'm telling ya...

4th flash thing- One thing that always humors me, are those switch to mac clips, and one thing that humors me more is the parody clips! This one is for a special someone because it's another Switch to Mac clip. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did hehe

5th flash thing- This is humerous (at least to me!). Basically, you take this kid to a hospital, and preform different surgical operations on him. Here is The Malpractice Flash thing. Try to make it through the "hair transplant", I bet you can't do it

2am funny misc. stuff of the night:

1st misc thing- Here is some Star Wars Trilogy humor done in the form of posable action figures. I don't know if there is any real point behind it besides some sort of humor and a guess appearance by Buzz Light Year and Spiderman...lol

2nd misc thing- Sometimes you just feel in that abstract mood or just want to find out what kind of personality you have. If tonight is one of those nights, then take this little personality test. Basically they list a few pictures, you pick one, and based on what you chose it tells you about your personality. What can I say...

2am funny jokes of the night:

1st joke-
Cows Theory

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes one and gives it to someone else.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you milk.

FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you the milk.

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREACRACY:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, kills one and spills the milk in the sewage system.

CAPITALISM:
You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then you execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option to purchase one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.

SINGAPORE DEMOCRACY:
You have 2 cows. The government fines you for keeping 2 unlicensed animals in an apartment.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
The government promises to give you 2 cows if you vote for them. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have 2 cows. You feed them sheep's brain and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

RUSSIAN DEMOCRACY:
You are still queuing for the first cow.

IRAQI DEMOCRACY:
You cannot inspect the 2 cows.

MALAYSIAN DEMOCRACY:
The cows are now controlled from grazing and you are jailed for being unfit to rear cows.

JAPANESE DEMOCRACY:
You have 2 cows. You give the milk for gangsters so they don't ask awkward questions about whom you are giving the milk to.

2nd joke-

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says.

The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."

One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

3rd joke-

A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog.

A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his *ss."

4th joke-

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passangers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.
Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs.

Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10, I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her undies.

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis." Naturally, all three fork over the money, and then the girl turns to the window and points to a hospital in the distance and says, "There!"

5th joke-

Bunny and Bob, two frequent users of a chat room, discovered that they had a lot in common. Eventually, they abandoned the chat room for a more intimate correspondence. After months of virtual kinkiness, the two decided to meet each other face-to-face at a small cafe.
Bunny arrived a little late. One customer, a short, frail man with an eye patch, sat at the back of the cafe.

"Are you Bob?" asked Bunny.

"Yes I am," said Bob.

"Unbelievable!" Bunny exclaimed. "You told me you were tall, dark and handsome."

"How do you think I feel?" Bob asked, his face turning red with shame.

"You told me you were skinny, blonde, and... FEMALE!"


2am funny view at your own discretion and risk material of the nigiht:

First...
Disclaimer: I would have to say that
these two are more adult oriented just because of the langauge and content involved (nothing sexual). So, view it at your own discretion and risk.

1st view at your own discretion and risk thing-
I don't know what it is, but I've always loved Castlevania. And now, you can play the flash game of Castlevania II: Priest Battle. Basically you fight a priest from Castlevania II, and then when you beat him, you face Jesus! I haven't beaten Jesus yet, so I don't know what happens...lol. Good luck!

2nd view at your own discretion and risk thing- This is just hilarious, I don't know if it's the bad impression of Arnold Swarzenegger, or the bad animation, or whatever, it's just hilarious As said earlier, view at your own discretion and risk due to the language/content. Arnie's Pizza Shop

Goodnight everyone!

ROFL. nice. Like the arnie site and damn jesus' ass is hard to kick

Pentunia's summertime adventures. I almost peed myself with laughter

In the cc2 game the * on the numpad goes to a secret area..lol

lol glad you guys liked it

When I got that Pentunias summertime adventures, I was told that it wasn't what I expected...and I dont think I was expecting that lol

Yeah, Jesus is hard to beat...

A sweet little old lady arrived at the Pearly Gates and was chatting with St. Peter when there was a sudden bloodcurdling scream. "What's that?" she cried. "Oh, that? Don't worry about that," said St. Peter. "That's just someone having holes bored into their shoulders for their wings." She looked uncomfortable but continued chatting until, not twenty seconds later, there was another bloodcurdling scream! "Oh, goodness!" "Don't worry," said St.Peter. "That's just someone having the hole bored into their skull for their halo." She shook her head and said, "I think you'd better send me down to hell. I can't take this!" "What? You don't want to go there," said St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized." "Maybe," she replied, "but at least I've already got the right holes!"

----

A guy enters a bar with his pet monkey. As he orders his drink, his monkey goes wild, eating everything in site: the olives, the sliced limes, even the little onions. Then he jumps onto the pool table, grabs the cue ball and swallows it whole! The bartender yells, "Hey! Your monkey just ate my cue ball!" "Really? He did? That doesn't surprise me. The little bastard eats everything in sight. I'll pay for the damages." He quickly finishes his drink, pays the bill, and leaves. A week later, he and his monkey return to the same bar again, orders a drink and once again his monkey gets loose. This time the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar, grabs it, sticks it in his butt, removes it, and then eats it. The bartender howls, "Hey! Your monkey is disgusting! He stuck that cherry up his butt and then ate it!" "Really? That doesn't surprise me," replies its owner. "He still eats everything he sees, but ever since he swallowed your cue ball, he measures it first!"

A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving." He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"

The Officer replies, "The President is just so depressed about the impeachment thing he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking round taking up a collection for him".

"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"

"So far only about a hundred gallons but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning."

----

Good: Your husband is not talking to you.
Bad: He wants a divorce.
Ugly: He's a lawyer.

Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several pornographic movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.

Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

Good: You give "the birds and the bees" talk to your 14-year-old daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do!

----

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him. ''Hello there,'' says the man, ''and what is your name?'' ''Hello,'' giggles the woman, ''I'm Stacey. What's yours?'' ''I'm Jim.'' ''Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight? I mean, right now??'' ''Sure!'' replies Jim, ''Let's go!'' So Stacey takes Jim to her house and takes him to her room. Jim sits down on the bed and notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk. ''Stacey, I noticed the picture of a man on your desk,'' Jim says. ''Yes? And what about it?'' asks Stacey. ''Is it your brother?'' ''No, it isn't, Jim!'' Stacey giggles. Jim's eyes widen, suspecting that it might be Stacey's husband. When he finally asks, ''Is it your husband?'' Stacey giggles even more, ''No, silly!'' Jim was relieved. ''Then, it must be your boyfriend!'' Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, ''No, silly!!'' ''Then, who is it?'' Jim asks. S tacey replies, ''That's me BEFORE my operation!!''

Ok, you really have to check out the Petunia's summer time adventures link I posted up there. It's great.

I didn't know how popular that was...and a friend of mine sent me another link with the same character, but with a valentines theme.

Trust me, it's not what u think

http://starterupsteve.servepics.com:...Smoochie.html?