Wow I just finished my first full week at my new job. Pretty darn cool so far, but let me tell you they definitely have the IT people running everywhere. Another thing I learned is when it's someones birthday, you will definitely know it. Food and snacks are EVERYWHERE.

And you want to talk about having an eventful first week, I swear I was involved in 7 meetings/luncheons. Ah well it's all fun..at least it's time for the weekend! How has everyone elses week been? Pretty good I hope!

And on that note....Joke time! Enjoy guys


A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

And last one!


A 92-year old fisherman was sitting in his boat on a lake when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up".
He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming, when he heard the voice again: "Pick me up".
He looked in the water & there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The old man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up and kiss me, and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, and I'll give you the most wonderful sexual pleasures that you have ever dreamed of".
The old man looked at the frog for a short time and then reached over and picked it up, and carefully placed it in his front shirt pocket.
The frog said, "What are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said, kiss me and I'll give you sexual pleasures like you've never had!"
The old man opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog!"


Alright thats it crew! I'm outta here. Might try to mow my lawn real quick before I head out. So hope you guys have fun this weekend...and if anyones going to happy hour or is at happy hour...drink some for me

Ooh got another joke from a buddy of mine in a different forum...heard it before but it's always a good laugh



A young man goes into a pharmacy to buy condoms. The male pharmacist asked how many he wants."Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl and she really wants me. After dinner at her parent's home tonight, we will go out and anything can happen. You know what I mean. Once she's had me, she will want me all the time. So you'd better give me the 12-pack condoms." He got his condoms and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner at her parent's home. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He prayed so beautifuly and almost like a saint that lasted for quite some minutes to the great surprise of his grilfriend. The girl whispered, "You never told me that you can pray." He whispered also, "You never told me your dad is a pharmacist."

Glad your digging your new job bro.

One day, Moishe went to the doctor and the doctor said that he had 10 days to 2 weeks left to live. Moishe said, 'Dr. I've done good things all my life. All I ever wanted was to win the lottery, just once!' The doctor said, 'Sorry Moishe, you're gonna die.' So Moishe went to his church and prayed. He said, 'God, all I ever wanted was to win the lottery. Just once.' The ceiling opened up and a light shined down upon Moishe and a deep booming voice said, 'Moishe, try buying a ticket.'
__________________________________________________ _____________________________
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then finally dies.

A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out,

"Watch the wall!"
__________________________________________________ _____________________________
There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She picks out the cutest one.

He looks at her and says "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"
__________________________________________________ _____________________________
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

Quote: Originally Posted by IronSerif Ooh got another joke from a buddy of mine in a different forum...heard it before but it's always a good laugh A young man goes into a pharmacy to buy condoms. The male pharmacist asked how many he wants."Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl and she really wants me. After dinner at her parent's home tonight, we will go out and anything can happen. You know what I mean. Once she's had me, she will want me all the time. So you'd better give me the 12-pack condoms." He got his condoms and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner at her parent's home. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He prayed so beautifuly and almost like a saint that lasted for quite some minutes to the great surprise of his grilfriend. The girl whispered, "You never told me that you can pray." He whispered also, "You never told me your dad is a pharmacist."

ROFL! That is a great one!

Here is one I got from my mother in law today:
Dear John Letter

A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was
there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In
the letter she explained that she had slept with two
guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break
up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would
do. He went around to his buddies and collected all
the unwanted photos of women he could find.

He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with
clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove
your picture and send the rest back."

Quote: Originally Posted by Spectrum __________________________________________________ _____________________________ There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road. "Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She picks out the cutest one. He looks at her and says "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?" __________________________________________________ _____________________________

lol!! Thats always been one of my all time favorite blonde jokes

Quote: Originally Posted by Foe ROFL! That is a great one! Here is one I got from my mother in law today: Dear John Letter A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back. So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note: "I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."

That's great! First time I ever heard that one..good find!

Tech Support Must Hate Blondes -

Blonde Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"fficeffice" />

Operator: "I'm sorry; I don't understand who you are talking about".


Blonde Caller: "On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the computer from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning.

Years ago when I was stationed in San Diego (NINAS), I used to date a woman who told me she was a marine biologist... then I found out she was a hooker in Oceanside..... (Hollywood Marines will understand...). Later..