CONTENT WARNING: This post may offend those with sensative natures... please recognize... it's all in humor!

Please note that Sexual Harrassment in the workplace is a serious matter. Do NOT attempt any of the following as you will most likely be nailed with MANY legal issues. I'd also like to add one more time... THIS IS A FRIGGIN' JOKE ALREADY!

In a spoof of all those lame-ass fashion magazines (Hey... when desperate for reading material in the can, you'll read ANYTHING), instead of "positions that drive him wild" (total bull in my opinion... nothin' they can publish in THOSE magazines sounds very excting) I figured I'd spoof that recurring topic "How to Know Your Boss is Coming on to You"... Darksamurai Style.

Still... I had to add "Comebacks"... just for kicks really...

TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW YOUR BOSS IS COMING ON TO YOU:

FEMALE WORKER: MALE BOSS:

1. He points at his zipper and says, "Bitch, get to work!" (if you're a hooker, this type of situation is known in the industry as "Pro-Bono work")

COMEBACK: "There's not enough work there to bother with... I'm sure you can handle it yourself"

2. "Cathy, we have a static electricity problem in the office. I need you to make sure you're naked when you Xerox my papers so the static in your clothing doesn't "Zap" the office copier."

COMEBACK: "Okay... I'll make sure to pass around the memo. Especially to Larry... ya know, that 400 pound guy who smells like cheese? Yeah... he hates clothes anyway... they trap the sweat."

3. "Cindy, I want to be here for you if you ever need support... mostly, I'd like to help support the twins!"

COMEBACK: "Wow... my twins need support. Greg and Jeremy are Siamese ya know, they're dreadfully expensive just for the medical costs... The Doctor thinks he may be able to seperate them. I could really use the financial support!

And to think the girls on the second floor told me you were an asshole!"

4. "Lindsey... how 'bout we slip into the server room so you can properly service my devices?"

COMEBACK: "You shoot a horse when it's dead... you don't service it."

5. "Want to see me naked?"

COMEBACK: "I left my magnifying glass in my other purse!"

MALE WORKER: FEMALE BOSS:

1. "Jerry... I've called you in here for a very important reason... I have to know... Do you stuff your undies with socks, or are you just my dream come true?"

COMEBACK: "Wow... that's important? COOL! I'll tell everyone to get started on "project: sweatsocks"... that way, you're sick laundry fetish will be sated!"

2. She won't keep her hands off you... Also, you're sick of her jumping on your back when you bend over to pick up something and screaming at the top of her lungs "RIde 'Em, Cowgirl!"

COMEBACK: "I never realized cowgirls were so HEAVY"

3. She wants to change the dress-code to tight jeans, no shirt and a hard-hat.

COMEBACK: "Yep. Larry will want in on this one! (see above)"

4. "I want to tie you to my desk and make you beg for me to stop!"

COMEBACK: "I can do that without the desk or the rope... STOP! STOOOOOOOOOOOP!"

5. "I think we could be very happy if we worked closer... why don't you come by my place and we can debrief each other?"

COMEBACK: I don't know.. in your case, that is a LOT of debriefing!


Final Note Yes... this was BAD!

Remember, flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.

LOL good stuff DS

Too bad I had a boss like that...

Note-never sleep with the people you work with.

I hear that... I dated a gal I worked with... we had a lot of fun, but the office rumors were horrible (I keep my love life VERY private... so if your coworkers have nothing to say, they make up a bunch of crap)... we stayed friends even after we broke up, but the office politics were deep enough to begin with...