This one had me rolling...


A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.

The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes,Preacher. I sure am."

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.

"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

"No, I did not Reverend."

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher..."Are you sure this is where he fell in?"


Alright guys, time to continue the job search and try to be a little productive at work today Hope you guys have a great weekend and Happy Early Fathers day to all the dads out there. Kids, no matter how you have turned out, don't forget to thank your dad this weekend lol!

Peace out crew, take care

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

"Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out !"

"Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old.
"No ... not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the 70 year old.
"No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30."

With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a crap every morning at six thirty. What's so tough about being eighty?"

To which the eighty year old replied - "I don't wake up until ten!"
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A man sits down at a bar and asks the bartender for 30 year old glass of wiskey.

The Bartender turns around and pulls a bottle of out of the cabinet and pours the glass and hands it to the man.

The man takes a drink and then spits it out and says "I asked for 30 year old wiskey! That's only 15 year old wiskey!"

So then the bartender turns around and and gets an old bottle and pours the man a glass.

The man takes a sip and says "I asked for 30 year old wiskey! Thats only 25 year old wiskey!"

So the bartender takes an old, spider web covered bottle and pours the man a glass

The man takes a sip and says "Aww now thats 30 year old wiskey!"

An old man at the end of the bar slides the man a glass and says "Take a sip of that"

The man takes a sip and he says "that tastes like piss"

The old man at the end of the bar says "I know, but tell me how old I am"
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Once upon a time when a Blonde was hard up for money, she decided to kidnap a child. So the next day she goes to a nearby playground and when nobody is looking, she pulls a random kid behind a tree and says, "You're kidnapped, so be quiet and don't give me any trouble." The little boy, too startled to do anything stands there in shock. The Blonde then pulls out a note that reads:

I am a desperate Blonde hard up for money. I have kidnapped you kid and if you ever want to see him again you arrange for 5,000 dollars in non-sequencial, unmarked bills to be put next to this tree by 12:00 tonight, or else.

She hands the note to the kid and tells him to give it to his mother. The next day the Blonde finds the bag of money next to the tree. Inside the bag is a little note that reads:

Here is the money. How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?
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I hope your dad pulls through bro, he's in my prayers.

Thanks Spec, my family appreciates it. And thanks again for a great set of jokes

Sweet jokes guys

Good luck with your dad - I'm sure he'll pull through!

edit:

Quote: Originally Posted by IronSerif 20. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption. 24. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To. 25. Sex-It's For Married Couples Too.

Tofu - YELCH
Dancing - can't
and the last one, not married, but rofl!

good stuff

HOpe your dad pulls though

The jokes are great but here's to hoping your dad will be fine!