Presidential "Want Ad" (humor)

Darksamurai · 07-March-03, 04:09 PM

Awww... someone missed their nap-time?

WANTED: One President. Must be housebroken, "Fixed", and play nice with kids. President must be well-trained to not say stupid things like "If there a biohazardous attack, plastic and duct-tape will keep you safe... my Daddy says I should piss off Sadam Hussein 'cause it's fun and makes me popular! Dad knew it all, his single term in office proves it!" (George Bush Jr.) or "I did not have unnatural relations with Monica Lewinsky... can't we talk about White Water some more?" (Bill Clinton).

This president must be able to face down obnoxious people with "Short Man's syndrome" (also known as the UN) without batting an eye...
Also, instead of saying "Thank you sir, may I have another" when challenged by these people, must be able to say "This is what we're doing, you're in or you're out... I don't care. Don't piss me off, we're still a nation of people who can kick your skinny asses."

President also must have an IQ over 70 to keep him out of the trouble that our last three Presidents have had. Also, must have a stable marriage so that we, as a nation, never have to think about what our president is doing with his 'little Commander in Chief'.

If you know where we can find a President like this, please contact the USA. Qualified applicants only...

Katsushiro · 07-March-03, 04:22 PM

Also note:

Applicants must not be cyborg reptile aliens. (See link below).
http://www.wiolawapress.com/biggest.htm

(And yes, it's a joke.. the guy who runs that website is a total nut. Fascinatingly insane, though, has a whole mythology of interstellar war between owls and reptiles going on in his head. fun stuff)

Grimm · 07-March-03, 05:22 PM

Satire On......

The perfect President would be Bill Gates. With Bill's "soft-takeover" techniques, the US could annex the rest of the world without anyone knowing it. All the worlds riches would become Bill's. The only drawback would be historical points would have to be deliniated as United World of America version 1.0, United World of America version 1.7, United World of America version 3.1, United World of America for workgroups, United World of America 95, ad nausium.....

Satire off.

FeRaL · 07-March-03, 06:47 PM

LIke it Grimm, like it...

DedEye · 08-March-03, 01:13 AM

Don't forget, he also must be unable to speak in complete sentances, has to believe that voices are telling him he is a good leader, be an utter whore to big business, and hate the environment.

07-March-03, 04:09 PM		#1 (permalink)
Darksamurai Sam-Hoe-rai N-Hoe-mad	Presidential "Want Ad" (humor) Awww... someone missed their nap-time? WANTED: One President. Must be housebroken, "Fixed", and play nice with kids. President must be well-trained to not say stupid things like "If there a biohazardous attack, plastic and duct-tape will keep you safe... my Daddy says I should piss off Sadam Hussein 'cause it's fun and makes me popular! Dad knew it all, his single term in office proves it!" (George Bush Jr.) or "I did not have unnatural relations with Monica Lewinsky... can't we talk about White Water some more?" (Bill Clinton). This president must be able to face down obnoxious people with "Short Man's syndrome" (also known as the UN) without batting an eye... Also, instead of saying "Thank you sir, may I have another" when challenged by these people, must be able to say "This is what we're doing, you're in or you're out... I don't care. Don't piss me off, we're still a nation of people who can kick your skinny asses." President also must have an IQ over 70 to keep him out of the trouble that our last three Presidents have had. Also, must have a stable marriage so that we, as a nation, never have to think about what our president is doing with his 'little Commander in Chief'. If you know where we can find a President like this, please contact the USA. Qualified applicants only...

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07-March-03, 04:22 PM		#2 (permalink)
Katsushiro Apex Techie I	Also note: Applicants must not be cyborg reptile aliens. (See link below). http://www.wiolawapress.com/biggest.htm (And yes, it's a joke.. the guy who runs that website is a total nut. Fascinatingly insane, though, has a whole mythology of interstellar war between owls and reptiles going on in his head. fun stuff)

07-March-03, 05:22 PM		#3 (permalink)
Grimm Apex Master Tech Apprentice	Satire On...... The perfect President would be Bill Gates. With Bill's "soft-takeover" techniques, the US could annex the rest of the world without anyone knowing it. All the worlds riches would become Bill's. The only drawback would be historical points would have to be deliniated as United World of America version 1.0, United World of America version 1.7, United World of America version 3.1, United World of America for workgroups, United World of America 95, ad nausium..... Satire off.

07-March-03, 06:47 PM		#4 (permalink)
FeRaL Mutant Moderator	LIke it Grimm, like it...

08-March-03, 01:13 AM		#5 (permalink)
DedEye Apex Master Tech Apprentice	Don't forget, he also must be unable to speak in complete sentances, has to believe that voices are telling him he is a good leader, be an utter whore to big business, and hate the environment.