Well.. the votes are in. Darksamurai's Dojo will be expanding into new horizons.

Further posts probably won't be this long, but I was able to roll this out pretty quick.

If you like it, or don't like it, please leave feedback. ALSO: Please note that these posts do NOT mean I won't still be doing mostly computer stuff. I do plan on taking the next week for offbeat stuff as kind of a little vacation from my standard topics... but then I'll be back on track. I'm also stepping into a vast, untapped (for PR) area, so please have patience, let me know what you'd like to see more of in the future, and I'll see what I can do with it.


As everyone seems to be having a nice LOOOONG winter, I decided maybe this would be the best time
for this post.

DRIVING LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL IN ICY CONDITIONS, EMERGENCY ROADSIDE STUFF, TRICK DRIVING AND MORE:

If you're like me, used to drivin' 20 miles+ to get to work, your car is an extension of yourself. It's your buffer between your home world, and your work world.

Crank up the stereo, zone out and try to block out the world. It's a Zen thing if ever there was one.

With snow and ice on the road, this can turn a normally calming experience into something stressful.




TIPS WHILE DRIVING IN ICY CONDITIONS:

Basically, the gas pedal needs to be viewed like a landmine. The harder you're stomping on it... the more likely your ass is going to get hurt. This does NOT mean you still can't speed if you know what you're doing.

I was given the nickname "The Ice-Skater" at work 'cause I can sail across icy roads at over 70 miles an hour (that's roughly 113 Kilometers per hour for you folks outside the US), and not worry about it.

Here's five pointers:

1. "Halve" your movements. Try to picture yourself caught in slow motion. The faster you do things, the faster things are likely to get bad.

2. Pass WIDE. If you have room on the shoulder, use it if the roads are slippery and the guy in front of you is a little too close for comfort. Slipping a little isn't going to hurt IF you have room to do it... that counts for the other guy too!

3. DO NOT BRAKE unless you absolutely have to! Better to let the engine drag slow you down. NEVER push and hold your brakes on ice for even 2 seconds. If you're sliding, LET GO OF THE DAMN BRAKE. Try turning the wheel, if that doesn't work, try hitting the gas! Your brakes are NOT your friend on ice... if you remember that, you're going to be gold.

4. Your tires are the ONLY thing keeping your car ON THE ROAD. If they're in bad shape, it's time to scrap ANY ideas of speeding.
Bald tires on ice isn't a great idea... in fact screaming "I'm a helpless victim!" in a bad neighborhood would be safer.

5. KNOW YOUR CAR: I can speed like a bat out of hell in my own car. I know what to expect out of a rear-wheel drive vehicle.
Driving a front-wheel drive car, I always feel like the steering isn't quite right, so I over-compensate for the fact the wheel feels heavier.
A lot of people can't drive rear-wheel drive in the snow because the back end slides. They're used to being "pulled" by their engine. I'm used to being "pushed".

As I said... know your vehicle before thinking of playing "Pole Position"... especially on the ice. Also, driving vehicles like light trucks, Chevy El Camino's or
Ford Ranchero's... they have NO weight over the rear end, so they will slide like crazy. Just words to the wise.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU SLIDE:

If you catch yourself sliding, let off the gas immediatly... then give it a second... if your car doesn't straighten out, try tapping the brake. Now, if you're swinging back and forth in traffic, you're not going to be thinking too very clearly. Best thing to do is FORCE your mind to calm down. You're in control, it's your car that isn't. I don't care what they tell you... turn your wheels towards THE ROAD (if you're not at risk of slamming into other cars)... If you go off, there are a lot more dangerous stuff off the side. If you still have some steering wheel control, fighting like hell after you let off the gas can keep you on the road in a lot of cases... eventually, you should slow down enough to regain the car.

Pull over to the side and take a couple breaths if you need to... but don't sit in the middle of freeway... somebody is going to smack into the back of you.

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS:

I've been in this situation. Brakes don't do crap, steering wheel might as well be a handle-bar 'cause that's all it's good for anymore. Best thing you can do... Keep a tight grip on the steering wheel, and try to crash in the best place possible.

If you're on black, sheet ice... it's time to just hope whatever you hit isn't too damaging to the driver and/or expensive (realize though... with medical, YOU'RE the most expensive thing to fix in your vehicle).

ROLLOVER:

I don't give a damn what your macho friends tell you. PUT ON YOUR DAMN SEATBELT. This Samurai wouldn't be here otherwise. I rolled a Jeep four times (once end over end, and three times over). The cop told me, when people don't wear a seatbelt in a roll-over accident... they can fall out of the car once the windows break (which happens pretty quick), and have the car ROLL OVER THEM.

It killed a guy I used to know when he rolled... broke him up inside like a stale cookie in a clothes dryer.


CAR EMERGENCY KIT:

Now then... if you're using the above (or you already knew all this from years of "dashing through the snow"), you shouldn't need a lot of this stuff for yourself...

Still... I've seen at LEAST four or five accidents happen right in front of me. One where the guy was bleeding pretty good. Thus we get into a car safety kit.

Your car should have the following in it:

Safety Kits with the stuff listed below can be purchased places like "Wal-Mart", "Target", "K-Mart", "Sears". They come pre-done so you won't have to worry about much. Just make sure it's got what you need in it! I paid roughly 40 bucks for mine, and just for the peace of mind, it's been worth every cent. I added some stuff to mine, so you might want to read through.

• Flares (makes a cheap Bar-B-Que in a pinch too!)
  
• First Aid kit... also a booklet if you need one
  
• "Fix-a-flat" tire sealant
  
• Duct Tape (Not as a biohazard precaution)
  
• Hose Clamps (VERY Useful with older cars... trust me)
  
• Fuses
  
• Paper Towels or Napkins
  
• Jumper Cables
  
• Make sure your spare tire is holdin' air!
  
• 9/16 and 1/2 wrench (or a 13MM and 15MM depending on the make of your car)
  
• Both standard "-" and Phillips "+" screwdrivers
  
• Bungee cord with S hooks
  
• Couple of "Zip" (wire) ties help as well.
  
• Short tow rope
  
• Candle and Matches (mostly for warmth)
  
• A Hammer! (I had a bolt come out of my alternator, and go into my fan... it wouldn't go back in by hand. Also, in an emergency, it will pry open some doors and break windows)
  

And if you don't have one already (some used car dealers fail to mention missing items like the below)

• Tire Iron
  
• Jack
  
• Spare tire
  

Bottles of the following liquids.. preferably full:

• Oil
  
• Antifreeze
  
• Window Wiper fluid (especially in an area where after the plow goes through a few times, you could garden off your windshield)
  
• Transmission fluid
  
• Brake Fluid
  

Crap you should add for winter!

• Thermal Blanket
  
• Snow Chains (although I never use 'em... some places require that you have them to keep driving during parts of the year)
  
• Pair of old gloves (Something you don't mind getting torn up if you can do ANY repairs from your location)
  
• Old Coat (under you car is ugly... under the hood isn't usually great either)
  
• Water: I usually throw a 3/4 full (if you fill it all the way, it will explode) 2 liter bottle of water behind the seat in my car... if I'm far enough along to be stuck, the heater should have turned it back to water by then).
  
• A roll of Lifesavers, or other candy that won't go bad anytime soon (sugar keeps energy up).
  
• If you feel the need to keep alcohol in your car, realize it does NOT make you warm, but it shouldn't freeze like water. I wouldn't say it's a smart move though.
  

SUMMER ELEMENTS:

Put at LEAST a gallon bottle of water in your trunk, and add a second bottle of antifreeze. The most common roadside hazard in the summer is going to be overheating, and blowing hoses. If you wanna play it really safe, get some hoses... or discover the miracles of duct tape and aircraft clamps...

Now then... if you're saying "Dark... dude... I have a small trunk, and I don't feel like hauling all this crap around all the time"

All this crap in my car takes up a box that isn't THAT big. I've used it countless times on the road. It's saved my ass more than once. Admittingly the winter precautions take up more space.

Remember: it's much better to have this stuff and not need it... than need it and not have it.

SPEEDING IN GENERAL:

When speeding, make sure you have mucho space in front and beside you. Tailgating is a stupid thing to do. It doesn't make the person in front of you go any faster... and if you run up the back of them, no matter what... under the law, it is YOUR fault.

If you want to get in front of someone in the city, leave at least half a car length (or more if you're not worried about people cutting in) of space to speed up a little before whipping into the other lane. This works great at stop-lights with two lanes of traffic.. because you have a little extra speed, you can usually move into the other lane and crank it up before the other guy even gets rolling.

Still... realize that it's not legal to pass in an intersection...

CHECK YOUR HARDWARE:

Cars are much like computers. If ya got the skill, and the right parts you can tweak the speed. If you're driving a Chevrolet Geo Metro, it's time to put down realistic limits. Doing 100 miles an hour (if that little POS will actually get that high) isn't a great idea for long engine life on a four-banger (four cylinder engine). V-6 on a new car will equal plenty of play power... V8 on older cars... the newer cars are made of lighter crap (like plastic and aluminum... and maybe superglue instead of actual bolts) and are able to do more speed with less engine.

SPEEDING PREREQUISITES:

If you're going to race your friends, watch "The Fast and the Furious"... if you're looking to speed in the real world, read on.

Pre-speed check-up:

TIRES: Are they cracking or bald? If you have studded snowtires, speeding might not be such a great idea for you, 'cause the studs actually weaken the tire.

ENGINE: Start your car... if your engine is making ANY other noise besides a nice, steady idle... consider yourself lucky to be running... keep it at the speed limit and visit a mechanic before it gets worse.

FAN BELTS/ HOSES: You'll wanna make sure everything is nice and tight. Your Fan Belt shouldn't have cracks, and should not be slipping on the pullies.

GAS: If you're looking for performance, you need to put a little more money in at the pump. Admittingly, according to MSN the evening of 03/06/03, the cost of gas is ready to make a jump. Speeding DOES reduce your MPG (Miles Per Gallon), so if you can't afford GOOD fuel, drop the idea... or cough up a couple bucks per tank for fuel-injector cleaner or octane booster.

FLUIDS: Make sure every fluid in your car is ready for you. Going 120 miles an hour is going to put some stress on your motor... make sure it's got everything it needs!

This includes stuff like Oil, Antifreeze, brake fluid, transmission fluid, power steering fluid, etc...

OTHER: Make sure nothin' is hanging off your car... if your tailpipe is on the ground, get a coat-hanger and tie it back up if you can't afford to have another strap welded in place, or you don't know how to put a muffler bracket on.

Check the basics as well... do BOTH of your headlights work, turn signals, etc. Checkin' things out will make your life as a speeder longer, and a helluva lot better. My car is from 1983, and it's running pretty smooth thanks to many moons of care. Not saying it's perfect, but it's safe enough to get speed out of it. If anything other than "Check Engine" (As I hear, it's pre-programmed to go off after so many miles have gone by) is lit on your car's "Computer" or idiot lights, get it checked out before you even THINK about crankin' it up.

DEALING WITH THE POLICE:

Okay... you're busted. DO NOT argue with the cop too much. She/He is ready for you to start frothing at the mouth. Argue politely if you need to... otherwise, make your case at court.
Still... most cops will only issue a warning if you weren't doing Warp 70 and your record is clean. Make sure ANY ticket is taken care of immediately. The faster it's taken care of, the faster it's off your record.

You don't have to bend over and smile if you're being screwed, but don't piss off a guy/gal who can make your day VERY unpleasant. A cop is capable of doing things just to annoy you. This can include alcohol testing, searching you car for drugs, etc... Most cops I've encountered have been pretty cool... if you treat them with respect, things go better...

This does not apply to meter maids... they are the evil bitches of the universe (Okay... so I got a parking ticket not too long ago... I'll admit it, I'm biased). Still... realize a Meter Maid has the right to write you a ticket for OTHER things than just parking violations. Several people where I got my parking ticket said they'd been given tickets for backing into a forbidden lane for buses. Didn't matter if there was a bus or not and if the space to back up was too narrow .

FUZZ BUSTERS:

Ahhh yes... the fuzz buster is a powerful tool... but only against lazy cops. Most cops will watch for cars going mach 20 and just turn the radar gun on long enough to clock that one car.
I knew a guy who had a Porsche he rebuilt... got arrested for going 120 in a 55. The cop clocked him by flicking on the gun when he went by. 300 bucks for a radar detector is gonna make you feel dumb if that is what happens. Just words to the wise. Pick your areas to speed carefully. Also, anything with about 5 seconds jamming or better can save your butt!

OVER THE LIMIT:

5 miles over, and most cops will leave you alone. Anything more, and it's realize it's your butt.

This concludes my rather lengthy post about the art of speeding. More to it than ya though 'eh?
Use it carefully grasshopper... If you mess any of this up, you're going to go from pimp to road smear.

SPECIALTY DRIVING: BONUS MATERIAL:

When I was studying for a degree in Private Investigation, there was a section on bodyguard work, and defensive/offensive driving. The following is a little from that...

The "J" Turn: Hit the brakes while holding to the left. Kick it into reverse and stomp on the gas. When your car is facing the opposite direction, put it in drive and hit the gas.

Forward 180: Pull the emergency brake as you turn the steering wheel. The parking brake basically only locks up the rear brakes (special thanks to Rafiki for corrections), so it'll swing the car around. This requires MUCH practice, and is usually done by stunt drivers... also, they overinflate their tires to help them do it... so if you're working with tires designed to grip, and inflated to keep you on the road, this gets a little trickier.

Riding the turn: This is a method I learned from Grand Theft Auto that actually works in real life.

Let off the gas when you come up to a sharp turn... swing wide, and stomp on the gas again. The car will slide a little, but it DOES stay on the road... even at higher speeds. Do not try this on anything other than perfect driving conditions though.

This is referred to as "Rolling Traction" in driving lingo though.

TAKING DOWN ANOTHER CAR:

This is PURELY for education's sake.

When running down another car, slam your front bumper into the metal behind the front tire of the vehicle you're trying to get to stop. It will push metal into their tire effectively popping it, and making the driver lose control of the vehicle... if done correctly, it will also drive the metal deep enough to act as a brake by ramming metal into the wheel.

Again... don't try this crap if you don't have a DAMN good reason... it's just good stuff to know just in case you ever need it.

Life is not like Grand Theft Auto... you don't get out of jail or the hospital in a minute or two so you can go cause more havoc (well... unless the democrats are back)...

And 4WD may make you go better, but it sure won't help you stop.

Just a couple of side notes from mechanic....
IF you have to use "fix a flat"...PLEASE do not drive with it in the tire for long.....its great for saving your butt..but the chemicals in it WILL deteriorate the inner lining of the tire if left in there...also,when you get the tire fixed,LET THE GUY KNOW you used fix a flat...reason being one of the propellants in it is PROPANE...a spark produced while fixing it can cause a real bad situation.

and dark...

Quote: The parking brake basically only locks up the front brakes

usually,(unless its a subaru) the parking brake actuates the rear brakes.....
otherwise,good article.

EDIT: Raf... good catch. Misprint in my book, I guess... I'm going to drop my former class instructor a note...

I hit 12 different automotive sites... all of 'em are agreeing with you... I'm going to edit my post.