Note: The following is done in the spirit of dark sarcasm... I take no responsibility (w00t! I'm free! FREEEEEE!) for your experiments on trying to find stuff on the subjects below! Please don't blow up your neighbors and tell 'em "Darksamurai told me to!"

I've recently been listening to crap about how TV and music is corrupting society, blah-blah-blah, we're just parents competing against celebrity worship, yadda, yadda, yadda...

So I'd like to present!

Everything I need to know, I learned from my PC!

1. Not every "Hot, nubile, woman" is young... hot... or even female.

2. Everything I want in life, I can download... except maybe food. That I can have delivered.

3. Outside of my house is scary. The news on MSM.com says so, so I don't leave my house.

So what if my lawn is three shades of brown? I hated taking care of that ****ing thing anyway!

4. Real people talk too slow... I'd rather be talking to multiple people on MSM, AIM, and/or Yahoo. Or.. to simplify matters... Trillion.

My attention span is... Cool! a flash cartoon of samurai dogs!... is just fine.

5. My "sex-ed" teacher never told me about the stuff I'VE seen on-line!

6. The superior human of the future will be ergonomically adjusted to fit into cheap computer furniture naturally. A few extra pounds will pad my butt and make me ahead of my time.

7. According to my E-mail spam, all I need to be more popular with women is their natural "enhancement" products... I'm still not sure how to get a girl to notice though. Maybe I should just come out and say, "Hi, I have a REALLY big pen1s... wanna go out?"... Maybe I'm just supposed to wear really tight spandex. I'm sure their web-site will tell me... Hell, any warped or demented thing I wanna learn about is only a few clicks away!

8. If I don't like something... or someone... I can just pull the plug, and it/they'll go away.

9. With all the talks of violent music, movies and too much sex on TV... I find it rather pleasant and educational that I can download porn, visit "rotten.com" for pictures that make "Faces of Death" look like Saturday Morning Cartoons, and download instructions on how to make drugs and weapons of mass destruction out of household products... without someone telling me I'm not supposed to be doing it!

No one nagging me but those whiney bitches at the RIAA.... and it sure as hell isn't about how their music is supposed to be corrupting my brain...

10. Even being careful, you can get a virus... it's usually best to consult an expert, but if all else fails... reboot and it'll all go away. I'm sure they'll give me instructions for that on "euthenasia.com"... reboot, reincarnation... whatever...

One this my PC hasn't taught me... can I take my hard-drive with me when I die? I got a ton of MP3s I'd hate to lose just because of a little thing like dying. Nature can be SO annoying.