A rose, a bottle of wine, and thou...

Darksamurai · 14-February-03, 05:56 PM

Yep... it's Valentines Day... a day for lovers... a day to remind single people no one loves them, and they're alone!

Well, maybe not that bad, but lord knows it's tough to be on your own on a day when everyone else is celebrating love.

TOP TEN THINGS FOR SINGLE PEOPLE TO DO ON V-DAY:

1. Try to find someone as desperate/lonely to spend time with. If it's not "love", at least it could turn into a one night stand!

2. Go to a resaurant and fling mashed potatoes at the couple kissing in the corner booth. See how long it takes before they notice...

3. Start protesting at a "Halmark" store. Claim they're prejudiced against "socially-challenged" people. Try to get others to your cause...

4. Watch "The Spice" channel all day. It's cheaper than having to buy dinner, flowers, special undies and possibly jewelry anyway...

5. Put a personals ad in the paper for a "4'8, 360 pound, bisexual Eskimo seeking a partner who is into sumo wrestling, baby oil and playing "Hide the Penguin". See how many responses you get.

6. Petition congress for "Single's Day" where people are expected to get a hotel by themselves and watch TV all day... talking to anyone is a breach of protocol. You'd probably get letters of support from married people everywhere...

7. Walk into a store and buy a single can of Vaseline... nothing else. If the cashier gives you a strange look ask them if they know a better way to spend Valentines than with a very special gal called "Rosey Palm". She's ALWAYS in the mood and she doesn't need flowers or candy to get there either!

ALT. ANSWER: Look at your hand, and say "Nothin' but the best for my "Special" gal!

8. Visit a friend with REALLY obnoxious kids to remind yourself why you should be THANKFUL for being alone! This can also be applied to couples on the brink of divorce, seperation, or just fight all the time. You'll be thrilled to come home where it's nice and quiet, and nobody is on your ass.

9.If you have to anyway... write out your alimony and/or child-support payments. Nothin' says "Leave me the hell alone", like knowing it's going to cost you everything you own!

10. Write a list of ten things single people can do on V-day!

HappyCamper · 14-February-03, 06:38 PM

I knew there would be something in there about...*cough* "self-manipulation".

Anathema · 14-February-03, 07:01 PM

Or instead of vaseline (this is for females and such), you should get a gallon tub of Death By Chocolate ice cream, Hershey's Pot of Gold, and lots of romantic comedies that will make you cry and wish you had a man around to make your life mis...er I mean a joy to experience *COUGH*

IronSerif · 14-February-03, 07:46 PM

Quote:


	Originally posted by Darksamurai 7. Walk into a store and buy a single can of Vaseline... nothing else. If the cashier gives you a strange look ask them if they know a better way to spend Valentines than with a very special gal called "Rosey Palm". She's ALWAYS in the mood and she doesn't need flowers or candy to get there either! ALT. ANSWER: Look at your hand, and say "Nothin' but the best for my "Special" gal!

haha...throw in a case of beer and we got ourselves a lil party

The_Lost_Monkey · 15-February-03, 01:18 AM

you forgeted cheetos and pornos

orange hand whooo hoo

BigAkita · 15-February-03, 01:27 AM

Orange Cheeto Hand.

You be one sick Monkey. I like.

me_john85 · 15-February-03, 04:17 AM

lol monkey hehehe

Anathema · 15-February-03, 05:55 AM

Monkey? Can I substitute fritos for the cheetos? How about potato chips? Carrots? Cucumbers? Celery stalks? Bunny kibble? (I ask too many questions.. hehe)

Orange Cheeto Hand isn't much of a turn on for me...

14-February-03, 05:56 PM		#1 (permalink)
Darksamurai Sam-Hoe-rai N-Hoe-mad	A rose, a bottle of wine, and thou... Yep... it's Valentines Day... a day for lovers... a day to remind single people no one loves them, and they're alone! Well, maybe not that bad, but lord knows it's tough to be on your own on a day when everyone else is celebrating love. TOP TEN THINGS FOR SINGLE PEOPLE TO DO ON V-DAY: 1. Try to find someone as desperate/lonely to spend time with. If it's not "love", at least it could turn into a one night stand! 2. Go to a resaurant and fling mashed potatoes at the couple kissing in the corner booth. See how long it takes before they notice... 3. Start protesting at a "Halmark" store. Claim they're prejudiced against "socially-challenged" people. Try to get others to your cause... 4. Watch "The Spice" channel all day. It's cheaper than having to buy dinner, flowers, special undies and possibly jewelry anyway... 5. Put a personals ad in the paper for a "4'8, 360 pound, bisexual Eskimo seeking a partner who is into sumo wrestling, baby oil and playing "Hide the Penguin". See how many responses you get. 6. Petition congress for "Single's Day" where people are expected to get a hotel by themselves and watch TV all day... talking to anyone is a breach of protocol. You'd probably get letters of support from married people everywhere... 7. Walk into a store and buy a single can of Vaseline... nothing else. If the cashier gives you a strange look ask them if they know a better way to spend Valentines than with a very special gal called "Rosey Palm". She's ALWAYS in the mood and she doesn't need flowers or candy to get there either! ALT. ANSWER: Look at your hand, and say "Nothin' but the best for my "Special" gal! 8. Visit a friend with REALLY obnoxious kids to remind yourself why you should be THANKFUL for being alone! This can also be applied to couples on the brink of divorce, seperation, or just fight all the time. You'll be thrilled to come home where it's nice and quiet, and nobody is on your ass. 9.If you have to anyway... write out your alimony and/or child-support payments. Nothin' says "Leave me the hell alone", like knowing it's going to cost you everything you own! 10. Write a list of ten things single people can do on V-day! Last edited by Darksamurai; 14-February-03 at 07:29 PM..

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14-February-03, 06:38 PM		#2 (permalink)
HappyCamper Apex Elite Tech	I knew there would be something in there about...cough "self-manipulation".

14-February-03, 07:01 PM		#3 (permalink)
Anathema Apex Tech Demi-God	Or instead of vaseline (this is for females and such), you should get a gallon tub of Death By Chocolate ice cream, Hershey's Pot of Gold, and lots of romantic comedies that will make you cry and wish you had a man around to make your life mis...er I mean a joy to experience COUGH

15-February-03, 01:18 AM		#5 (permalink)
The_Lost_Monkey Hoe - Rangatang	you forgeted cheetos and pornos orange hand whooo hoo

15-February-03, 01:27 AM		#6 (permalink)
BigAkita n00b-ass reviewer	Orange Cheeto Hand. You be one sick Monkey. I like.

15-February-03, 04:17 AM		#7 (permalink)
me_john85 Camp Pen-Hoe-tan's Hoe	lol monkey hehehe

15-February-03, 05:55 AM		#8 (permalink)
Anathema Apex Tech Demi-God	Monkey? Can I substitute fritos for the cheetos? How about potato chips? Carrots? Cucumbers? Celery stalks? Bunny kibble? (I ask too many questions.. hehe) Orange Cheeto Hand isn't much of a turn on for me...