Well gang, I keep tryin' to talk Jon into comin' to work for me (geez... offer a guy no pay, and he seems to think it's not worth it)... but he decided to drop me this nifty article, so I give you...

"Jon_the_Prong's Guest Instructor Post!"

Note: this post was slightly altered, as I did add a little HTML to divide the chapters with bold print and tightened up the spaces a little... still, I changed no wording, so this is pure Prong comin' at you!


So youÂ’ve got a great education, A+ certification and a load of relevant experience. Getting a job should be a cinch, no? Not a chance! Once you add up all the opportunities for nepotism, ineptitude, bias and irrelevant personal preference inherent in the process of selection, it basically comes down to dumb luck.

However, there are a few things you can do to get yourself a head start on the game.
So, why are tips on job hunting relevant to PR anyway? Simple: no job = no money = no pimpinÂ’ funds = no mods =

BTW, I fully realise the irony of someone thatÂ’s hasnÂ’t worked in months giving jobhunting tips

Finding Jobs

Word of mouth is always a good thing – tell friends you are looking for a job, if you can get a foot in the door before the job is even advertised, so much the better.

If you’re interested in a specific company, send a speculative application rather than keeping an eye on the vacancies page on their website – these are often weeks behind.

I can only speak from personal experience with regard to Employment Agencies/Recruitment Consultants – my experience has been that they’re a bunch of unscrupulous shysters who will do anything to get a fee, and don’t care one bit about you. They’ll spam your cv/resume mercilessly, both to any potential employers and each other; it’s not unusual to find your details have been sent six times to the same employer, which will destroy your chances of getting an interview. Whatever you do, DON’T leave your details at a job search site, you’ll still be dealing with the resulting fallout YEARS later.

Despite all the hype about the new economy, newspaper classifieds are still the best way of finding a job.


CVÂ’s/Resumes

To paraphrase Disraeli, “There are lies, damned lies, and curriculum vitaes” … OK, that doesn’t really work in American English … curriculum vitae, aka cv = Latin for “course of life” = resume. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that your cv/resume is probably your best weapon in your jobhunting arsenal – it’s the first chance to impress a potential employer. A good cv will gloss over inadequacies in your education and or experience & get you an interview, a bad one will just get binned. I’ve seen this happen more than once – guys with education in irrelevant subjects & no experience get hired, guys with a PhD & years of experience get passed over, all because their cv did or didn’t impress.

Just what the format of your cv/resume should be will depend on just where you are in the world – I don’t know what is expected in the US, but in the UK it has to be 2 pages maximum. At minimum, name, address, details of education, and a full work history in reverse chronological order are expected.

There are some points that apply generally:
Don’t lie – you may get found out; you’ll almost certainly be questioned on it;
People don’t read the whole document before making a decision on who to interview – you need to catch their eye quickly. Discrete use of colour (like a border) & an appropriate font help - most people STILL use Times New Roman, when Arial or Century Gothic looks so much better.
Your spelling, grammar & punctuation must be impeccable throughout - get someone else to check it.
Target your cv/resume to the vacancy – e.g. if you’re going for a job in testing, highlight the skills and experience you have in that field, and play down the other aspects.

Applying

DonÂ’t just send your resume/cv, include a covering letter than explains why you think youÂ’re suitable for the job. If you have to fill out an application form, complete it carefully. If youÂ’re applying via email, make it formal.

Homework

Once youÂ’ve landed yourself an interview, you need to do some homework. Most businesses have a website, so this should be your first port of call. Firstly, itÂ’ll let you know what they actually do, and perhaps more importantly, what they consider to be important, and the buzzwords they use.

Think about the sort of questions youÂ’re likely to be asked, and what your replies should be. DonÂ’t write yourself a script though, your replies shouldnÂ’t sound overly rehearsed.
Questions fall broadly into three camps:
Firstly, there’s the standard questions that you’ll get at any interview, like “Why did you apply for this position?” and “Why do you think you’d be suitable for this vacancy?”.
Secondly, there’s the questions that are specific to the field the job is in. For IT jobs, it’s going to be things like operating systems, programming languages and software used. Most likely these won’t be a problem for you, but if you’re punching above your weight (like if the job involves getting down & dirty with the obscure bits of UNIX, and you don’t know it from a hole in the ground), try and find some primers on the subject – Google is always a good place to start. In the world of technical writing (my field), the most common question is how I get on with awkward developers (is there any other kind ) – bribery with donuts & nerf guns usually does the trick, btw.
Finally (and this is where it gets tricky) are PET QUESTIONS. This is the interviewers’ “killer” question - one that they’ve honed over years of practice to reveal the innermost character of the candidate they’re interviewing, and so their suitability for the job ... or so they think. In practice, these questions mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to anyone other than the asker, and you’ve got at best a 50/50 chance of getting it “right”. Pet questions I’ve been asked include “When did you last get angry?” and (having arranged four pencils in a cross shape on the desk) “Moving only one pencil, make a box” (yes, really).
You can’t prepare for these questions, so don’t sweat it. Give yourself a few seconds to think, and give an honest answer. If someone is going to ask you something like the pencil trick, or doesn’t want honesty, ask yourself “Do I really want to work for this wanker?”

You should also think about questions YOU want to ask them. Most interviewers seem to think it’s all about whether they want you – it’s not – it’s supposed to be a two-way dialogue. Even if they don’t know this, they’ll almost certainly ask if you have any questions. Try and think of something other than the money, leave entitlement and how good their dental plan is. By all means discuss it if they bring it up, but for some reason most employers think you should work for the sheer joy of it rather than the folding stuff. Do some homework as to what the job should pay – if they’re paying more than you expect, good, but expect to have to work like a dog, if they’re paying less, it either means they’re cheap, or the job is actually at a much lower level than they’re saying.

It’s good psychology to leave the interviewer with a token gift – I don’t mean something like a DVD player or other bribe, I mean something like a small portfolio of your work. This is easy if you’re a technical writer, graphic designer, or similar, but if you’re a sysadmin it’s not so easy… Luckily, even something trivial like business card will suffice - get some card stock & make your own rather than using one from your current employer! As with your cv/resume, the spelling, punctuation and grammar must be impeccable.

Dress Code/First Impressions

If you’re going for a job that’s based in an office, as most of us will be, you need to be thinking conservative business dress – for men this means a suit (or a smart pair of trousers & a Jacket) and a noose around your neck, sorry, a tie; for women it also means a suit, if it’s a skirt rather than trousers, think about the length – a skirt two inches below minge base will almost certainly improve your chances with a male interviewer, but will put off a female interviewer. Shoes need to be so shiny you can see your face in them.

If youÂ’ve got long hair, tie it back, if youÂ’ve got any facial piercings, wear the most discrete stud you can. Looking like that guy from Hellraiser, or a refugee from a Pirate movie might be your way of expressing yourself, but itÂ’s NOT going to land you the job.

Now, on to the delicate matter of smell. IÂ’m not just talking BO here (although a shower is not going to be a bad thing), avoid aftershaves or strong perfumes, and use a neutral deodorant. If you need a smoke to steady your nerves before you go in, try to avoid getting the smell of cigarettes on you clothes, or your breath, come to think of it. Dutch courage, or a quick line of Charlie to steady your nerves is absolutely out of the question.

You might be thinking “I’m not selling out like that!”, but do you want the job or not? Research shows that employers typically make the decision on whether or not to hire someone within ten seconds of meeting them. A bit of time preening yourself and a firm handshake may well land you the job.

The Interview

The ideal time to arrive for an interview is between five and ten minutes early – any later just makes your timekeeping look bad, any earlier makes you look like you can’t organize yourself properly. If you’re in any doubt about your ability to get there bang on the mark, arrive in the general area ahead of time and sit in the nearest coffee shop for a bit (should be no problem finding one, it’s practically impossible to be more than ten feet from one anywhere in the Western world).

YouÂ’ll almost certainly be kept waiting beyond the time your interview is supposed to be at, this is usually ineptitude on their part, but sometimes theyÂ’ll be doing a bit of amateur psychology. DonÂ’t let it bother you, fill the time by reading the company propaganda and/or trade journals that will inevitably be strewn around the foyer.
This can also earn you brownie points – remember that you’ve got about 10 seconds to impress them, being seen reading the literature won’t hurt. Make sure you stand up to greet them, and when it comes to sitting down again, don’t do so until they offer you a seat. The walk from the foyer to the interview room can be the most informative part of the interview, as it isn’t formal at that point and interviewers can often let something slip, like “Oh yes, although we only get paid for 35 hours per week, but we’re expected to work 65” (in this situation, my advice is to give them the slip buy running down a side corridor).

If you’ve done your homework, the questions put to you shouldn’t bother you too much – remember to get your questions in too. Sometimes, the interviewer will just rabbit on, not even asking questions – this is usually due to the interviewer being a complete amateur & getting nervous.

NEVER, NEVER badmouth your last employer, and more specifically your boss – this will automatically disqualify you for the job. Even if you’re working/have worked for Satan, you have to say something positive. “Sure, he was the Prince of Darkness, but you could make excellent toast on his butt!”

One really important thing is to find out if the person interviewing you will be your superior (should you get offered the job) and if not, if you’ll be seeing them. If not, this indicates VERY broken management, in which case shouting “WHOA! HULL BREACH!” and running for the nearest exit in a manner Jesse Owens would be proud of IS appropriate.
Other important things to find out are:
what their last slave died of - they probably wonÂ’t give you a straight answer, but the degree of evasion can be informative;
what the working environment is like – open plan offices are all very well, but if you can STILL see desks on the horizon, it’ll suck big time;
the hardware in use: if you see people squinting over 14” monitors, or, worse, the PC’s seem to be 486’s, leave, quickly.

How long an interview lasts is a good indication to the likelihood of you getting the job – less than 40 minutes tends to mean they’ve made up their mind not to hire you & don’t want to waste any more time on you. An hour & a half to two hours (especially if they give you some sort of aptitude test) is more promising.

If at the end of the interview, you’re given tips on your cv/resume (or something similar), you definitely won’t get the job – if this happens, it’s down to guilt making them “help” you, them being an arrogant twit, or them attempting to justify an irrational decision. DO NOT LISTEN – if you try and follow this advice, it will almost certainly be “wrong” for the next application you make.

Post Mortem

If you still want the job having been interviewed for it, make sure you get back in touch (by letter or email, not by phone) to thank them for their time & reconfirm your interest in the job.

If you feel the interview didn’t go well, think about whether it was down to you, and if so, whether you can do anything about it next time – try to learn from the experience. More usually, it’s down to the interviewer – if they’re crap, how can you have a good interview?

Even if it did go well, don’t assume that there is a job to be had – all too often the job has already been filled & they don’t have the honesty to tell you, or is not vacant – either someone already there has been promoted into it, and their procedures require getting external candidates, or that they are trying to frighten the current incumbent into behaving by showing that they can be replaced.

In the event you do get offered the job (it can happen, despite all I’ve said here!), remember that it will take several years of increases to make up for any shortfall in your starting salary – this is your best chance to push for more – at this point at least you know they want you.
Now start the joys of work: the “You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but it helps!” signs, the irritating cow-irkers who insist on having the aircon set at a glacial temperature, the photophobes (can developers really navigate by echo-location?), and the endless internecine cross charging between departments.

Good luck – you’re going to need it!

Special thanks to Jon_the_Prong for taking the time for this post.