Okay gang...

I'm moving away from selling computer bits and peices to installing them...

Regardless, my sales experience cannot be forgotten, and I'd like to post the wisdom I've gained in my last six months...

TOP TEN: GOOD WAYS TO PISS OFF A COMPUTER SALESMAN.

1. Don't walk in, spend an hour of the salesman's time, and then tell them you're going somewhere else to buy it. If you want tech-support for free, try a forum... Hell, call "Dell"...

2. The salesman doesn't usually set the prices on computer parts. Saying dumb crap like, "You can do better than this, can't you?" or "Is there anything cheaper" is insulting the both of you.

This kind of bartering is better reserved for buying a car.

3. When you've opted for the CHEAPEST POS in the store, don't put yourself in with the herd...

Don't say, "Is this any good?"

We can't, as salespeople say, "Yes, Mr. Customer. It sucks donkey, your neighbors will point and laugh at you, and you'll be lucky if you're not injured when the damn thing explodes..."

If it's the cheapest thing in the store, it can be safely assumed it probably sucks severe ass.

4. Please do NOT say, "So, are you the expert on (insert product)."

I've heard many salesman at the end of the night coming up with responses to this...

Several suggestions were:

" Oh sure, my dad invented it."
"Yes, I went to the Harvard school of USB-ology."
"What's a (product name)?"
"You want Bob..." (there is no-one named "Bob" in our department).
"If you want an expert, you're probably going to get the name of the company's R&D..."

If you make this mistake, we'll say for example.

"Are you the expert on Video Cards?"

Me: "I'm an expert at everything. It's hard to be perfect, but it's one of the burdens I bare." (yes, I HAVE used this line).

Don't do more damage by asking this next question:

"Where are they?"

You do NOT need an "expert" just to find something...


5. Don't come to a computer store to ask a salesman about complex stuff. There is a GOOD chance you're going to get:

• A: A wrong answer
  
• B: You're not going to remember everything he said and get pissed off when everything crashes.
  
• or C: You discover he was kidding when he said, "Ah hell, just wipe out your root partition. Nobody uses them anyway".
  

6. People got along before cell-phones just fine... answering yours during a conversation with a salesperson is wasting his/her time...

7. Try to pay attention. Asking a salesman who has his hands full and is grunting under the weight of it, probably isn't the best person to ask dumb questions of...

EXAMPLE:

I'm carrying two computer boxes (with computers in' em) to the Service department. It's heavy as hell and I'm trying to hurry before I drop them 'cause the boxes don't have hand-holds. I had no less than three people stop me with questions like:

Customer: "Where do I find a book on Photoshop?"
Me: "In the software department. You can see the sign from here, you might go ask those guys."
Customer, snuggling in closer (they all do when they feel they "have" you): "I was curious if you think the history of photoshop is as exciting as I do. Why, I remember the good old days when my pappy had to draw on the ground with a stick 'cause paper hadn't been invented yet..."

(Five minutes, and a lot of sweat later)

"Anyway, where was that book?"

8. Quoting magazines from the past is NOT going to help you.

Quoting, "I read in PC Universe Magazine that warranties are a scam and you should feel ashamed for trying to screw me over!"

Let me tell ya... warranties are worth the freakin' money in a lot of cases. Especially when you buy cheap crap.

PDAs are notorious for "dead spots" where the stylus doesn't do anything, laptop and flatscreens can have LCD problems with dead pixels and cheap desktops die on a fairly regular basis. Also, the salesman usually makes most of his money on the sale off a warranty sadly enough... a lot of products are being sold at a loss just to get you in the store.

9. Ignorance is a crime...

I know a salesman who LOVES people who don't know computers. He WILL literally say things like "Yeah, you need hyperthreading if you want to be on the internet." and yes... he knows better.

Coming in "playing smart" may leave your ass sore after you lay the money down...

10. Don't quote your friends...

Billy Joe Bob may NOT be quite the expert you think he is.

I had a guy this morning who would NOT take "YES, IT WILL WORK WITH YOUR GOD- (expletive), mother-(expletive), worthless (another expletive) SONY LAPTOP!

Why not? Because someone he had met ten minutes before told him to get the one on sale...

The guy was immovable. I was introduced to him as someone who knew what he was looking for, he obviously didn't know the answer himself... but because the other salesman suggested he get the one on sale, he HAD to have that one.

Oh... and When I say: "GUESS WHAT? IT'll WORK WITH YOUR GOD- (expletive), mother-(expletive), worthless (another expletive) SONY LAPTOP!"

I MEAN IT'll WORK WITH YOUR GOD- (expletive), mother-(expletive), worthless (another expletive) SONY LAPTOP!"

To that gentle readers, I bid you good night (or should I say good morning...)

Somebody needs to make a Computer Sales take on Office Space. So much untapped potential

Wooo boy! The more threads I read like this, the more glad I am that I am out of the "customer service" side of business.
Unless I am starving, I will not take another sales job ever again.

[sarcasm]Ahhh those where good times, how i miss them[/sarcasm]

People always get pissed at the salesman. It was worse with me, I looked like I was a relative of my boss.

guy walks in, looks around. "Oh, is your father not working today?"
Me, in a confused tone: "My father doesn't work here."
Next thing I know, the guy is screaming at me.

Or when people come in and look at an old 486, want to buy it, you ask them what they want to do with it, and they say 'video games and photoshop'.

You think sales is bad? Technical support is much worse, because you HAVE to fix the problem, no matter how long it takes. The users know this, therefore they feel entitled to treat you like [euphamism] poop [/euphamism]. And stupidity? Don't get me started. One time a user asked me to "uninstall Windows 98" because she "never used it anyway". I almost threw up in my mouth.

I'm hoping you aren't mean to the customers as you are describing it. I've been the computers repair business and tech support. I know it is very frustrating at times, but you should really try to keep your customers or you will be without a job.

Quote: Originally Posted by Crazy_J I'm hoping you aren't mean to the customers as you are describing it. I've been the computers repair business and tech support. I know it is very frustrating at times, but you should really try to keep your customers or you will be without a job.

Hmmm, I guess we haven't been introduced. I'm DarkSamurai and I'm a technology humor writer... which means when I put stuff up like, " "GUESS WHAT? IT'll WORK WITH YOUR GOD- (expletive), mother-(expletive), worthless (another expletive) SONY LAPTOP!"

it means what I actually said was twenty minutes of patiently saying and over again, "Yes sir... this WILL work with your laptop. Yes sir, I'm aware the other guy said that the sale item will work, but this will work also. I appreciate your wanting to get the sale item, but I'm not finding it on the shelf. Yes sir, it will work with your Sony. Yes, I'm sure. Sir, it's built to be used with laptops using the Windows operating system. Every Sony I've come across has Windows on it. Sir, the salesman turned you over to me so I could explain why this works, I'm sure it will work with your laptop."

In my head, I'm screaming, "WHAT PART OF "YES!!!!" AREN'T YOU GETTING?!?", but I never take the luxury of saying it. I've never been fired and my employment record most places I've been is spotless.

I'm a rather patient person in general, I've been complimented on my sales skills and professionalism countless times... I've never yelled at a customer, I've never insulted one (at least that they got the punchline to) and I'm pretty damn good at my job.

When I'm here, I'm goin' more towards the humor of the article than what was actually said. If I'm quoting myself verbatim, I'll usually say something to the effect of "Yes, I actually have said this", or "This is how it really went".

Anyway, just to clear things up.

Yeah, I remember the days of working retail.

One thing I really hated was helping a customer and having another customer walk right up to interrupt with some incredibly stupid question that has nothing to do with the store I was working in.

One of my favorites was a person asking where to catch the taxi/bus/etc (I worked retail in a mall). My reply? "Outside". "Oh, cool, thanks!".

10 times out of 10 they never got the joke and walked away with a smile.

Edit: Sniff, Sniff...I've got a Sony laptop.

Oh boy, I can't wait for the next installment. I'm laughing my head off at some of these!

Shoot today I had a guy call saying he found a HP 1210 at wall-mart for 100 dollars and a lexmark I don't even remember it was crap, I mean lexmark come on for like $100, and wanted to know if we had anytihng comperable to them. I told him we had both for the same price but we have refurbed 2175's for like 100 dollars too and it was a much better machine than both. He then saked what the diff's were I explained em. Bassically illistrated the fact that only a retard would spend the same for a machine that was originally worth only 50% what the 2175 costs, and he then proceded to tell me he had to think about it. He also came in and got a 1210 instead of a 2175, I'm failry sure he died of brain failure later.