Well gang... I'm probably TOTALLY screwing up my fellow tech-writer's schedule... but I'm not officially "back" yet. I'm still waiting for a new schedule at work...

Regardless, I really over-did it exersizing, and I'm walking like Frankenstein, so I figured what better time to sit (very, very still) and hack out somethin' on "B" movies.

For those who didn't know, "B" stands for "Budget". Not all movies that have been dubbed "B" had a small budget though. Sometimes you can have a star-studded cast, special effects out the ass and you'll STILL end up with a "B" movie.

"B" explained: Basically, if the acting is bad, you can see the special effects guys running in the background, the plotline sucked, it bombed at the box-office, or just kind of slid into obscurity with little to no notice... it's probably "B". "B" is just slightly different from cult films. Usually they do go hand in hand... but in most cases, "B" is a movie that was so bad, it struck you as good.

IN THE CATEGORY OF THE MARTIAL ARTS:

Envelope please?

The most horrible martial arts "B" movie I've ever seen gets awarded to...

Jackie Chan's "Dragon Fist". This movie was PAINFUL to watch. Admittingly, there has been worse films, but the very fact that Jackie Chan has done so many cool movies makes this one something special. I actually shut it off about midway through just 'cause the voice-overs were annoyingly bad, the martial arts included "POW" sounds at EVERY move, whether they hit anything or not and the plot was pretty sad (and I don't mean depressing).

The BEST "B" martial Arts film goes to:

"Big Trouble in Little China".

Kurt Russel, and a TON of Chinese/ Hong Kong stars. This film was so bad it was good. It's just a great movie. More fun is to squint one eye and say dramatically, "I AM THE PAST COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU LO-PAN!" for kicks!

IN THE REALMS OF HORROR PICTURES:

Drum roll for the worst of show please?

Da-da-dunn-da! It's gotta be "Frogs". NOBODY was in this film, and the "Frogs" spend their time just kind of sitting there. The family is going insane from these croaking frogs, but all they (the frogs) do is sit there and look like they're pretty bored.

BEST "B" HORROR FLICK:

HAS to be "Eight Legged Freaks"... although this was a push with "Bug Buster" (which was sooooooooo bad it was funny as hell). In "Eight Legged Freaks", they take dumb "B" to a new level, and by all perception, it was on purpose.

This includes spiders that sound like "Donald Duck" as they hop around and wreck havoc... The characters were amusing, the plot-line was tired, but they played it as everyone KNEW it was tired. It was a trip.

SCI-FI B-MOVIES:

Yes, some films just stand out as "BAD".. sometimes that's a good thing!

WORST OF THE WORST SCI-FI...

PROJECT METAL BEAST:

I tried watching this... I really did! It was sooooooooo bad I felt like it stole time from my life. Acting reached new realms of "horrible". Man that was bad...

BEST OF THE BEST:

Pitch Black. Admittingly, Vin Diesel is to blame for a LOT of the "ricers" out there with a huge-ass wing on their Chevy Cavaliers (thanks to the Fast and the Furious), but if you haven't seen "Pitch Black", you're missing somethin' special. Awesome movie, and it was rather inventive for being on a budget...

I'll probably be revisting this topic (time allowing), but if you think you've seen the worst of the worst, or the best "B" movies have to offer, feel free to reply!

For the best martial arts "B" movie, I would have to vote for "The Legend of Drunken Master," the 1978 original, not the 2000 remake. That movie had Jackie Chan acting with some sense of seriousness rather than the full-blown comedy martial arts flicks he's making nowadays. "Big Touble in Little China" is good, but it doesn't have that real martial arts movie feel. That's my opinion.

Horror flick

BAD B movie

Blood surf... it follows the "anyone having any sexual action at all, will die" ... also a mild.. porno... and yea.. I wasn't sure if it was sposed to be a porno with a lot of extra plot scenes, or a bad bad movie with a couple porn scenes slipped in...

One of the worst "B" horror flicks I have ever seen was Spiders 2. It was so stupid and the special effects involved a tarantuala crawling on a tiny model ship, which was supposed to be a massive ship. It had that bald guy from the old skool show Night Court...I think his name was Bull or something. Anyway it sucked more than any other movie has sucked before. Eight Legged Freaks would win Academy Awards if they were compared LOL.

In my opinion, the best horror B movies ever made were the Evil Dead Series.

I enjoy zombie movies, any zombie movies. (maybe because all the morons die?) but the most memorable movie is a vhs i own called "I, Zombie" from the UK. Really strange movie, weird plot, but the main scene is a lonely zombie accidentally breaking his own ____ off. Fill in the blank.

I have too agree with Pitch Black, awsome movie. Can't wait for the next one.

No Plan 9 from Outer Space ???

or Klatu, Berata , Nicta ????

Quote: Originally Posted by NoSlak No Plan 9 from Outer Space ??? or Klatu, Berata , Nicta ????

They can't ALL be number 1 NoSlak

I agree with Pitch Black also but I personally prefer the "zombie flicks" and Creature from the Black Lagoon for horror flicks.
My all time favorite B movie (aside from the experience of Rock Horror in a theatre..... the film itself really sux0rs) though would have to be the first Toxic Avenger. I just can't stop laughing with that one.

Most expensive B movie ever?

WaterWorld.

Quote: Originally Posted by BigAkita Most expensive B movie ever? WaterWorld.

If WaterWorld sucked any more, they'd have to keep refilling the pool.

best martial arts B movie: The Street Fighter. Not the one based on the video game, but the one with Sonny Chiba. when it came out, it was rated NC-17 for violence. I only have the rated R version, though

Worst horror B movie of ALL TIME has to be Terror Toons. If you get a chance to see this movie, do. It is so bad that it if it were any worse your eyes would bleed, and that's what makes it so good.

don't forget Attack of the Giant Grasshopper

at least one good thing about B movies is girls. Lots of hot ladies. w000000tt!!!

Quote: Originally Posted by BigAkita Most expensive B movie ever? WaterWorld.

I ALMOST used that one for the worst just 'cause with as much dough as they put into it, to think it would have rocked...

Quote: Originally Posted by Anathema I can't believe nobody mentioned Killer Klowns from Outer Space in this thread! If you haven't seen it, you should. Also, that one Jackie Chan flick where he had a twin.. Twin Dragons, I think it was called. Man, that movie really fellated the donkey's testicles.

That is a damn fine movie.

Quote: Originally Posted by OMFG_dude_WTF One of the worst "B" horror flicks I have ever seen was Spiders 2. It was so stupid and the special effects involved a tarantuala crawling on a tiny model ship, which was supposed to be a massive ship. It had that bald guy from the old skool show Night Court...I think his name was Bull or something. Anyway it sucked more than any other movie has sucked before. Eight Legged Freaks would win Academy Awards if they were compared LOL. In my opinion, the best horror B movies ever made were the Evil Dead Series.

Spiders 2 was by far the worst flick ever.

Has anybody ever watched any of those horrible ghetto movies at Blockbuster? Whiteboyz isn't all that bad, but Cracker Jack'd is so bad it's hilarious

Quote: Originally Posted by Darksamurai BEST OF THE BEST: Pitch Black. Admittingly, Vin Diesel is to blame for a LOT of the "ricers" out there with a huge-ass wing on their Chevy Cavaliers (thanks to the Fast and the Furious), but if you haven't seen "Pitch Black", you're missing somethin' special. Awesome movie, and it was rather inventive for being on a budget...

I just finished watching this movie not a minute and a half ago, and I have to agree with all my heart. It is now probably one of my favorite scifi movies.

Quote: Originally Posted by ÃœBER<>POOP I enjoy zombie movies, any zombie movies. (maybe because all the morons die?) but the most memorable movie is a vhs i own called "I, Zombie" from the UK. Really strange movie, weird plot, but the main scene is a lonely zombie accidentally breaking his own ____ off. Fill in the blank.

did you enjoy the worst zombie movie of all time, House of the Dead,?
it was so corney
they did a 30 minute sscene where they are trying to fight through zombies to safety, and they did the matrix camera angle thing(around the person)
also in the scene, they have the worst actors ever, and this movie genericly sucked
also on a crappy note they said that on the island they were on, there was gonna be "the biggest rave of the century" and there was like 100 people.
WORST ZOMBIE MOVIE EVER, I DONT KNOW IF ITS EVEN GONNA MAKE IT TO HOME VIDEO!