Hey Gang,

It's been awhile!

I'm basically posting 'cause I've been gettin' some flack about my silence from people on Messenger... so here goes...

CORPORATE SPEECH TRANSLATED!

1. "We promote from within!"

Translation: Except for the really good jobs. Those we prefer strangers handle.

2. "We have a new vision!"

Translation: This is our chance to can anyone we don't feel "conform" to our new vision. This improves moral as employees fight for their jobs... at least until we hire new people (see one).

3. "We have a new vision, get onboard!"

Or your ass is canned!

4. "Employees are valuable members of our family!"

I wish I had this kind of power in my family.

"Uncle Bob, it isn't working out with you as my uncle. I think you should seek other uncle-position opportunities elsewhere."

5. "We are focusing on our strengths!"

Translation: 'cause EVERYBODY already knows our weaknesses.

6. "Some people aren't as commited to their jobs as they should be..."

Translation: Next person late is fired.

7. "We're poised for success!"

Translation: We won't be firing too many people this quarter.

8. "Leave your bad attitude at the door when you come in."

Most of my bad attitude comes from working here... Would it be okay if I just left that at the door on my way home?

9. "We're expecting a visit from headquarters."

Translation: If any of you make me look bad, I'll make your lives a living hell.

10. "We need to delight every customer!"

Translation: We'll be nitpicking the CRAP out of everything you do... at least until you resign in disgust and we can brain-wash the newhires to do it the new way (see one).

Anyway, all these come from personal experience... some more recently than others!

LOL! Now I know what to watch out for. You should write the corporate translation handbook.

Boss: How many boards ya got tested there?

Me: 800 sir.

Boss: Excellent! Keep it up!

TRANSLATION: If you drop below 700 I'll can you!

Not really, my supervisor is pretty cool, most of the people I work with are pretty cool, most are 20 years older than me, I'm 3 week sinto my new job and already fittin' in with the boys.

One of my co-workers said to the next guy ahead of me on the assembly line 'Oh, another smart-ass, he'll fit in here just fine! *looks at me the whole time grinning*

A lot of the people I work with joke around with me and we pretty much have a lot of fun on the job, it's almost mandatory to survive the project deadline / number of boardws shipped out ratio the Neptune line I work on is seeing, since the other company that makes these boards jerked off and lost their contract our orders have doubled, up to 33,000 by the end of the month.

Quote: Originally Posted by DarkSamurai I'm basically posting 'cause I've been gettin' some flack about my silence from people on Messenger

HAHAHAHAHAH I didnt think I would get you to post that quick