Jake was dying.

His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.

"My darling Becky," he whispered.

"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."

He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I....I
have something I must confess to you."


"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky. "Everything's all right, go to sleep."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I...I had affairs with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your Mother!"

"I know..." Becky whispered softly, "That's why I poisoned you."

Can always go for a blonde joke

3 blondes are walking through the forest when one blonde says "look bear tracks!!" the second blonde laughs and says those aren't bear tracks you idiot, there deer tracks." the third blonde says"you guys are both idiots!!hey are clearly cougar tracks". the three blondes argue about the tracks for an hour before the train comes along and runs them over.

Always have time for a quickie

how do you make a klee-nex dance?



Put a little boogie in it

Oh Alright...one more!

This one's from Lord Dragon:


A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman and seeing the 2 cute babies started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?"
The man gave the lady an angry look and replied, "I don't know". The lady then asked again, "Are they both boys or girls or either of each?" The man looking angrier and replied, "I don't know!" The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are you?"

The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are 2 complaints that I am taking back to my company!"

the first few ones i've heard before but the one with the 2 babies...hilarious lol