Since I won't be able to post the funnies tonight, time for a joke!


A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity.

They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy walks in the door, he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed.

Later after they've made love, he turns to her and asks "So, how was I?"

She says "Well ... you can take anything from the bottom shelf."

Ok since it's saturday night...one more

There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"
The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."
Not paying much attetion, the man says, "Sure, ok."
So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God" and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop.
"Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!"
Finally he remembers, "Amen!!"
The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God."

lmfao @ last one I should tell that in church

why does a blonde nurse carry a red pen?
--to draw blood

Okay, three quick ones...

So a woman goes into the grocery store. She get's her stuff and takes it up to the counter. On the counter she sets a carton of milk, a dozen eggs and an issue of Cosmopolatin magazine. The clerk looks at her items and looks at her and says "Now I'll bet you must be single." And the lady says "Yes, I am single, how could you tell?" and the clerk says "Because you're fucxing ugly!"

So there's a little kid walking through the park eating candy. He comes upon an old man, who says "You shouldn't be eating all that candy, son. It's no good for you." So the little kid says "Sir, my grandfather lived to be 99 years old." and the old man says "Oh yeah? Did he eat a lot of candy?" and the kid says "No, he minded his own fucxing business!"

So a guy goes into his neighborhood bar and orders a double shot of whiskey. The bartender says "Damn, Joe, that's stronger than your ususal drink" and the guy says "Yeah, I've had a really bad day. At breakfast with my wife this morning I made the worst freudian slip ever." The bartender says "What'd you say?" and the guy says "Well, I ment to say 'pass the sugar' but instead I said 'I hate you bitch you've ruined my life'..."

Hope you like 'em....