As I sit and work on my third essay this week, I begin to wonder why the hell I'm still doing this to myself. I'm 31, no kids, not married, my favorite vehicle I own is a battered, POS, 1987 Mitsubishi Mighty Max truck (Uhh, Dodge Ram 50) and I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be when I dreamed of the future as a little kid. I honestly couldn't get out of school fast enough when I was young and since I left, I've learned the value of an education. Although I'm not going to say I use all of it every single day, I would say it has changed my life a great deal.

My background is diverse and includes studies into private investigation, martial arts, survivalism, motorcycles, computer repair, software and programming, classic literature, auto repair, home repair, plumbing (crash course whilst being sprayed with gallons of water... I learned quick), math, science, religions of the world, writing, acupressure, reiki, electronics, circuitry, soldering, bits of several languages (French, Japanese, Spanish, Chinese and Italian) and a ton of other crap that I've "picked up" over the course of my life. Although I kind of fall into the old cliche of, "Jack of all trades, master of none", I'm pretty decent at most of what I do.

Some of this I gathered in the name of "being smart". I got lost in the realms of intellectual pursuit to satisfy my own ego for a bit, and I really thought I had the answers to where I wanted my life to go.

I met a special girl about four years ago (wow... I remember asking you guys if it was a good idea at the time... that was awhile ago!) and over the years she has helped me move towards what I wanted to do instead of what is expected of me. I loved my time as a systems admin, but I've also realized the risks of locking one's self into a profession. For those of you who remember when I first came to PCApex (PR) back in the day, I was unemployed, constantly looking for work and it was stressful as hell. It's been a long road. As I got money, I invested it back into my education and I still do. Still, I was going towards what I felt would be profitable or to try to look "smarter".

I started the journey going for my Master's degree with the idea that I was going to be a computing god. These days, I'm pretty happy with the idea that I have an Associate's in computers as it marks where I've been. My Bachelor's degree is in Psychology... my Master's might be in teaching if I can figure out how to get the internship done. My direction has changed radically over the last couple years. I like the idea of going back to studying computers at a pace that actually allows me to retain and use the information instead of "get a good grade! PURGE! Next class! Pack it in, c'mon, keep those grades comin'!" Graduating from my Associate's with a 3.7 GPA wasn't too bad (I probably could have done better, but my work schedule was hell) is proof I can manage through computer courses pretty decently, but I don't feel like I learned that much from it. I prefer to sink into it, to test it, to try it out and figure out what makes it tick... college hasn't given me the opportunity to do that so much as everything is on a real deadline. This has sucked a lot of the joys of learning computers from me. I was a lot happier learning on my own, but I will admit that NOT having a degree was causing me a great deal of grief when it came time to find computer jobs. I would say that college is worth the time to do it, but don't think that it is the end-all of education.

I've reevaluated just about everything in my life and I've come to the conclusion that the only answer that stays the same in life is, "This is what I get right now and this is where I'm going." My focus in life has altered substantially. Still, I love computers and technology (that will probably never change), but I've learned how to turn them back into something I love by not making it my only career choice. Since I moved back out of my parent's place (after ten months of unemployment I ended up moving home for awhile) and have gained control of my life again, I realize just how many negative influences I had allowed into my life. I've managed to move in directions I wouldn't have thought about a few years ago. I'm happier as a person than I have been in years (I'll be even happier when these damn college courses are over, but good things come and all that... ). On my continued love affair with computers, my next mod will probably be built into something like a car, home, or something as I'm finding more diverse uses for small boards. I'm still prone towards "nerdy" things, but I'm expanding my world and it feels good.

All in all, I would recommend finding someone who can support your desires instead of your status quo. My girlfriend and I are usually always on the same page, but she has taught me how to rewrite that page a little to make it a bit more interesting. Breaking into new worlds can make you feel a great deal more alive and refreshed. Every decision seems to take years away from my life (college, etc), but the results have left me breathing a sigh of relief. I feel a bit like Robert Frost in taking the path less travelled. I'm not going to say I've never had doubts about where I'm going, but at least it isn't donkey with the proverbial carrot I have been in the past.

All in all, I would suggest finding people who can shake up your world, but not leave it shattered. It can make a huge difference in the quality of your life. Exploration, education and evolution can keep a person happy as hell to be alive and always waiting for the next chance to continue to do more! It may not always be dynamic rock-climbing, but it can make you feel like you're not trapped in your life.

On that note... back to my essay!

Ahh, Grasshopper. You finally have focus. I've watched your progression for many years now and always wondered when you would find direction. Like most of us, it came in the form of a pretty girl who fortunately has her head on straighter than we do. Idealism is wonderful, realism is practical. We can lay the groundwork for our own destinies, but life sometimes has other plans for us. The best thing we can do is take advantage of whatever opportunities we are given. There comes a time when we all must look at ourselves objectively and decide if our goals need adjusting. When you are young it seems that there is an infinite amount of time to do what we want in life, when in reality our lives are just a small spark. Work with what you have in order to make the most of that spark.

"All in all, I would suggest finding people who can shake up your world, but not leave it shattered. It can make a huge difference in the quality of your life. Exploration, education and evolution can keep a person happy as hell to be alive and always waiting for the next chance to continue to do more! It may not always be dynamic rock-climbing, but it can make you feel like you're not trapped in your life."

Dark, that is well written. I am at a bit of a crossroad in my own life right now. Good stuff to read.

Best of luck to you!

E

Quote: Originally Posted by Darksamurai My background is diverse and includes studies into private investigation, martial arts, survivalism, motorcycles, computer repair, software and programming, classic literature, auto repair, home repair, plumbing (crash course whilst being sprayed with gallons of water... I learned quick), math, science, religions of the world, writing, acupressure, reiki, electronics, circuitry, soldering, bits of several languages (French, Japanese, Spanish, Chinese and Italian) and a ton of other crap that I've "picked up" over the course of my life. Although I kind of fall into the old cliche of, "Jack of all trades, master of none", I'm pretty decent at most of what I do. My focus in life has altered substantially. Still, I love computers and technology (that will probably never change), but I've learned how to turn them back into something I love by not making it my only career choice.

You sound prepared for a Zombie Apocalypse

Quote: Originally Posted by Darksamurai My focus in life has altered substantially. Still, I love computers and technology (that will probably never change), but I've learned how to turn them back into something I love by not making it my only career choice.

I'm dead on with you here, as much as I love computers and gaming, I just couldn't make it "work", for me its just more fun as a hobby.

Quote: Originally Posted by Darksamurai On that note... back to my essay!

Good Luck

I've learned the value of education at just 23, I'm going back to school and classes for me start in a few weeks. It's all work-related stuff which is great because when I pass the courses the company reimburses my tuition 100%. I absolutely HATED my entire school career from kindergarten to my senior year at high school. I miss a few select people, and I had some good experiences, but for the most part it blew balls. If I had to go back and do it all over again, I wouldn't.

As for finding someone who loves me, don't hold your breath, I'd love to find a pretty lady but pretty ladies don't seem to want to find me. Women have proven throughout my short life to be the bane of my existence, always in some way hindering me, sucking money away from me, or just being plain bitches. I've given up the whole dating scene and relationships altogether so I can focus on work and school, and various other projects. Women are too problematic for me at this point in life even for no-strings attached sex, which would be great.

I've always had a saying about promiscuous hot chicks, they are like nitrous oxide on a hot rod, you want to hit it but are afraid of the consequences.

As for where I will be in 10, 20 years, probably still single, but making wayyy more money as my education progresses. I'll probably still have the Probe in some stage of tune whether it be nitrous or boost.

Quote: Originally Posted by j-dogg As for finding someone who loves me, don't hold your breath, I'd love to find a pretty lady but pretty ladies don't seem to want to find me. Women have proven throughout my short life to be the bane of my existence, always in some way hindering me, sucking money away from me, or just being plain bitches. I've given up the whole dating scene and relationships altogether so I can focus on work and school, and various other projects. Women are too problematic for me at this point in life even for no-strings attached sex, which would be great.

I know exactly what you mean, I'm only 20 and I gave up that search YEARS ago; whats worse is that there are plenty of women around but, they have that complex to Love you Like a brother.

Or maybe you're spending too much time with the PR sock

Jdogg,

It took me 'til I was 27 to meet Ms. Right. I wouldn't give up the search entirely...

You're lucky though, I thought that college was for chumps when I was in my early 20s. Don't get me wrong, I still tried to get my Associate's in Computer Sciences (got through two semesters and couldn't take enough time from work to finish my finals, so I lost some money and got no credits for the work I had done already!) I also managed to get my A+/ Internet+... but I didn't have the finances to do what I wanted until later.

Yunk,

I'd be ready for the zombie invasion, but I gotta brush up on those firearm skills... I've never fired a gun in my life! Breaking up zombies with swords, staves, knives (etc) is cool, but if you get splashed with zombie fluids, you become one of them. Better to do it from a distance! Not saying I would mind being undead... but I'm a vegan, what the hell would I do?

I can picture going around groaning, "Graaaaaiiins..."


ADD: I would also say gettin' loved like a brother happened a lot to me when I was young... gotta be a little more straight-forward to get to the dating stage. I guess most women can appreciate a guy who doesn't sound like he's not really sure what her response is going to be. Be polite, but direct. Take the question out of your voice and it helps a lot. Just that simple act and I managed to snag dates with three women in a row within the space of a couple months. "Would you like to go out sometime?" is more of a statement than a "Hi, uhh... would you... like to... uhh... go out or something?"

Hell, my girlfriend politely blew me off the first time I asked her out. I figured that was that, but we both kept finding excuses to see the other and we went to lunch. By the end of lunch, we were pretty much dating. It doesn't always happen the way it does in the movies, but sometimes things work out.

Quote: Originally Posted by Darksamurai It took me 'til I was 27 to meet Ms. Right. I wouldn't give up the search entirely...

I was 34.

You other guys seem to have the right idea, though -- stop looking, get your own head on straight, then the right woman will find you. Hell, if you've got your head on straight, lots of right women will find you, and you'll have a selection.

When I was 32, I ended a long-term (7 years), mutually-destructive (but we meant well) relationship. It was simply bad for both of us. I took a year + off from dating. I knew I needed to clear my head and figure out what I wanted. I also went to Saudi for 3 months. When I came back, I wasn't in town a month and women were literally knocking on my door, but I realized I didn't want any of them. Shortly after that, I found the one I wanted, and we're married, have kid, and another on the way!

Don't stress the romance thing, just worry about getting yourself put together.

And good luck!

-godling