Ooookay...

So I'm going to be in the OC next week... mostly due to a miscommunication and my desire to be a "team player".

This resulted in them thinking I really WANTED to go to California to go work through my weekend. Oh well, by the time I come home, I can look forward to having worked 12 days to come home and be back on call... so I can look forward to possibly 13 days in a row of work.

But hey... it's cool. Here is an angry-man's guide to business travel:

1. Bring as much electronic crap as you can!

I'm bringing my GPS, MP3 player, laptop, PSP, two cell phones (Work and home) and just about anything else I can squeeze into my carry on.

If I have to sit through one more damn night of hotel TV on one of these trips, I WILL go on a massive killing spree.


2. Airports are a great place to remember WHY you hate air travel. I'll admit, planes are MUCH faster than cars, but I don't have to strip naked, have my bags inspected, get hassled, get the stink-eye from other travelers (yeah, screw you too buddy), and have to rub elbows with annoying people just to go someplace I DON'T WANT TO BE.

I also sure as hell didn't have to be there an hour early to make sure I made it to my car.

3. Pilots are bus drivers... why the hell do they get paid so well?!? The last one seemed to think landing was dropping the plane out of the sky as slow as possible, then dropping it hard enough to feel like someone kicked my ass. Tell him to move, I'll try to land the damn thing... HOW HARD COULD IT BE?

...

Don't answer that. I know its hard... I crashed into the runway 76 times in a flight sim. Still... my ass!


4. Air travel providers have learned how to suck the fun out of being SCREWED repeatedly.

Got an extra bag? Fuel prices up? Gained an ounce since you hit the airport? PAY UP!


5. HOTELS: WHY THEY HATE YOU!

I'm staying at the Embassy Suites... which seems to feel that the money they're charging my company isn't enough. I've stayed in bloody mom and pop motels that had free wi-fi! Damn!

6. RENTAL CAR? BWA-HA-HA!!!

Nope... you'll be driving a company vehicle... the one with "How's My Driving" plastered all over it. Enjoy your stay!

7. WORK:

I'm scheduled to work from 2:00PM to 10:30PM (the last time I had that schedule, I worked until 2:00AM)... the next day, 8:00AM to 4:30PM. Sleep patterns are for the weak!

8. Sleep on the plane!

Everyone keeps telling me... sleep on the plane. Tired? Gee, why didn't you sleep on the plane? I'LL FREAKIN' TELL YOU WHY I DIDN'T SLEEP ON THE ****ING PLANE!!!

I have a seat that wouldn't comfortably hold a cookie tin much less a human body. I fell asleep on the plane just to have six people wake me up to ask me to move my feet out of the aisle. If you're over 6 feet tall, may the gods have mercy!

9. Lost? But you have a GPS unit!

Guess what! GPS doesn't really give you a picture of the building, or which of eight freakin' lanes you're supposed to be in in 30 feet. I have a love/hate thing going... I can't wait until they can say, "Be in the lane second from the right or you are SO boned."

That'd be cool...

10. TRAVEL MEALS:

I have an expense account. It's primary purpose is to remind me that I will be eating poorly for the next week. This means that "dinner" will probably be Oriental-style Top Ramen (Yes... Oriental Style Top Ramen is vegan) from the hotel microwave as there just isn't much open at 2:00AM when your shift finally ends. Hooray... let the good times roll...

All in all, business travel isn't like a vacation. Yes, I've seen a lot of stuff... but you don't really get to enjoy it as a business trip is kind of like a mock-vacation. You can see the sights... from you car. You can sample the local cuisine... in 30 minutes or less... the end of the day leaves you tired and retreating to your hotel.

If anyone ever asks if you enjoy business travel, sock them in the freakin' mouth...

Very true... all of it.

Fyi - In case you haven't heard of this... I recommend getting an bulkhead or exit row seat.
Gives you a fraction more leg room.

Welcome to my NIGHTMARE.

Its all too true.
Few trips ever turn out like they look in commercials.

At least Peggy travels with me now.

Wow... Embassy Suites in Anaheim sucks...

No shuttle service from the airport and wi-fi is bloody $10.00 a night! In five days I'll pay what I do for cable access for a month!