Yes, on this diet, you can actually lose weight, feel like hell doing it, and crash at the end of the night with the knowledge tomorrow is another day!


The DarkSamurai Day:


1. Wake up two hours early for work. Get on your homework. If you're done with both school and college, study for an hour.

2. Find yourself a stressful job with a commute. Breakfast is a pack of Oreo cookies (the 6 pack, not the three-rowed goodness) in the car and a Red Bull (the small one).

3. Work will keep you too busy to think about eating. Eat a couple of tofu hot-dogs for lunch as fast as you can. Wash it down with a Coke.

4. Drive to martial arts (or whatever other activities you have planned) and get some exercise.

5. Go home, try to spend time with significant other. Eat chips and salsa for dinner as you're too tired to make anything else.

6. Put off sleep as long as possible. Try to do more homework.

7. Sleep you lazy bastard! Sleep for those blissful four hours... you've got a busy day ahead of you!

8. Repeat process for weeks on end.

9. Try to find nutrition somewhere. Salad is good when you can get it.

10. Free time should be spent doing household projects, fixing things, and cleaning. Doing anything else means you can expect your weekend to be spent doing it anyway!

THE DARKSAMURAI MENU:

Tofu Dogs
Amp
Red Bull
Oreo Cookies
Chips
Salsa
Breath Mints
Week-old speghetti
Coke
Tea
Coffee

The DarkSamurai Weight Loss Philosophy:

Those times when I actually am living healthy and losing weight the right way don't matter. It's the stress-induced frenzy that really takes the weight off! Now, get going!


Get to work! You've gotta suffer to be pretty!


* - Please note that the Surgeon General would only approve of this diet if he were a total dumb-ass. Regardless, the doctors I paid off to endorse my diet say it's the best thing since Heroin for weight loss!

Well, that there's yer problem...

There ain't no meat in your diet, son.

The remedy for your ailment is a nice, medium-rare 20 oz. Porterhouse with sauteed mushrooms toped with garlic butter and a loaded baked potato on the side (salad optional)


But seriously, you do need more protein and veggies.

As to weight-loss, you've got nothing on the Gumby Diet.

Note to self: Time to GS some interesting food stories.

lol probably the funniest fake diet ive ever seen

He doesn't mention all the time spent on pcapex and writing this.

U my friend need protein bars.

Uhhh, guys... a vegetarian diet doesn't lack in protein. In fact, it happens to be one of the last things a vegan is going to be deficient in. That's a wonderous myth brought to you by our "friends" at the meat council.

There is plenty of protein in beans, rice, spinach, and a bunch of other stuff. Beans rival meat in protein content on a per gram basis; romaine lettuce exceeds meat on a per calorie basis.

Have you have ever seen anyone in America with a protein deficiency? You probably haven't. You probably DO know several people who have died due to heart disease and/or cancer. It's interesting to know how many people are willing to clog their arteries to solve a problem that doesn't exist...

Quote: Originally Posted by Darksamurai Uhhh, guys... a vegetarian diet doesn't lack in protein. In fact, it happens to be one of the last things a vegan is going to be deficient in. That's a wonderous myth brought to you by our "friends" at the meat council. There is plenty of protein in beans, rice, spinach, and a bunch of other stuff. Beans rival meat in protein content on a per gram basis; romaine lettuce exceeds meat on a per calorie basis. Have you have ever seen anyone in America with a protein deficiency? You probably haven't. You probably DO know several people who have died due to heart disease and/or cancer. It's interesting to know how many people are willing to clog their arteries to solve a problem that doesn't exist...

thats true, protein makes you fart when it breaks down it produces gas, thats why beans produce gas, chicken also produces gas, so does fish. i dont support a fully vegan diet,but a healthy mix is good, as for me ill keep on killing cows and eating my steaks

Quote: Originally Posted by .insane lol probably the funniest fake diet ive ever seen

Fake?

Quote: Originally Posted by Darksamurai Fake?

stress is by far one of the worst ways to loose weight, increased bp, increased chances for cancer and heart diseases, also makes you more prone to binge eating/drinking. also increases the amount of fat in your body because stress causes chemicals to be released that consume muscle and turn it into fat.

Solution to all ur problems. New Life.

Quote: Originally Posted by musclecars&computers Solution to all ur problems. New Life.

Nah, I spent too long building this one. Just need to finish college and I will once again feel like my life is my own again...

Quote: Originally Posted by Darksamurai Uhhh, guys... a vegetarian diet doesn't lack in protein. In fact, it happens to be one of the last things a vegan is going to be deficient in...

While that may be, the only thing of any nutritional value listed in your brief menu were the tofu dogs. I was assuming you weren't eating those for every meal.

Ah well. Hope you catch a break soon.

Quote: Originally Posted by Im_gumby While that may be, the only thing of any nutritional value listed in your brief menu were the tofu dogs. I was assuming you weren't eating those for every meal. Ah well. Hope you catch a break soon.

Well, under that logic, I sure wouldn't have time to cook a steak.

Actually, I had a halfway decent meal last night. I'm exaggerating a little!

Quote: Originally Posted by Darksamurai Well, under that logic, I sure wouldn't have time to cook a steak.

The beauty of the perfectly cooked steak (medium-rare) is that it doesn't take that much time.

Just enough to warm it up and get a sear on the outside.

And God's gift to food... BACON takes even less. Don't even get me started on bacon-wrapped filets.

Note to self: Time to bust out the Weber.

w00t for indoor grill, im more of a medium-well person, but anyways steak is amazing, try ramen with chopped hotdog or sausage which is amazig.

Always a great read from DS.

Side note: Protein from your sources are not complete protiens i.e. Soy( missing one or more of the 8 essential amino acids). You will not grow.
Side side note: lack of sleep raises Cortisol levels which raise insulin levels, apetite and makes the body store fat(specialy round the mid section).

Dark, you need one of these to wake you up in the morning.
/mathlete/

Quote: Originally Posted by NoSlak Always a great read from DS. Side note: Protein from your sources are not complete protiens i.e. Soy( missing one or more of the 8 essential amino acids). You will not grow. Side side note: lack of sleep raises Cortisol levels which raise insulin levels, apetite and makes the body store fat(specialy round the mid section).

Soy contains all of the essential Amino Acids. Also, any variety in a vegan diet can give you more than enough of what you need. I've been doing this for two years now and I don't feel that I'm suffering at all. I'm building new muscle, I'm recovering well at martial arts (I've been battered around pretty decent as I'm taking Enshindo and Judo now), and for a guy who usually eats too much sugar, I'm still doing pretty well. My last physical put me at being in perfect health. Mental health has been positive and I'm getting a pretty steady "A" average. Mind and body are strong grasshopper...

Get more info here:

Protein

or:

Soy Protein Content - United Soybean Board


Anyway, I can get more if you're interested... I've followed most of the nutritional needs of the human body down pretty far. The only thing a vegan diet can be even slightly lacking in is the vitamin B12 which used to exist in the soil (we wash our veg before we eat it, so we don't tend to get the B12). Considering soy milk is usually enriched with B12, and Red Bull contains B12, I'm doing pretty good.

Sleep... I'll admit... I could really use a little more... maybe a lot more...

Quote: Originally Posted by Darksamurai Soy contains all of the essential Amino Acids. Also, any variety in a vegan diet can give you more than enough of what you need. I've been doing this for two years now and I don't feel that I'm suffering at all. I'm building new muscle, I'm recovering well at martial arts (I've been battered around pretty decent as I'm taking Enshindo and Judo now), and for a guy who usually eats too much sugar, I'm still doing pretty well. My last physical put me at being in perfect health. Mental health has been positive and I'm getting a pretty steady "A" average. Mind and body are strong grasshopper... Get more info here: Protein or: Soy Protein Content - United Soybean Board Anyway, I can get more if you're interested... I've followed most of the nutritional needs of the human body down pretty far. The only thing a vegan diet can be even slightly lacking in is the vitamin B12 which used to exist in the soil (we wash our veg before we eat it, so we don't tend to get the B12). Considering soy milk is usually enriched with B12, and Red Bull contains B12, I'm doing pretty good. Sleep... I'll admit... I could really use a little more... maybe a lot more...

I beleive Soy lacks to of the Amino Acids which I can't remember the name however. How bout an unbiased link source not coming from Vegan societies.
There was also an early form of man that was Vegan but died out... go figure they say it was because of lack of meat but who knows.
I do know that for me to grow I need 1-2 grams of protein be it from Fish , meat, chicken or egg whites per pound of my lean mass to grow while I sleep..... after I tear my muscle down at the gym.

@NoSlak

I will try to check some databases about soy proteins vs. chicken proteins at school on monday