Okay folks - I've got one heck of a story to share. I finally got caught and arrested after all these years of debauchery. Now I can't really tell the story as I remember it because I blacked out for over 8 hours of it, but I was told what I did... and well it was freaky. It involved the alphabet drinking game, exotic dancers, their motel room, police, pepper spray and tasers... and I somehow only got second degree trespass.

Let's start off slow, for the record I've only gone on two drinking binges in my life that have resulted in black out. Second, what spurred this one is the fact my mother has cancer back in Alaska and I have no job to return back to Alaska to til May and well personal problems I do not want to delve into.

It all started Thursday night, I was sick so I left work an hour or two early to get a call my mother had just been rushed to Anchorage to remove a 2nd tumor and they haven't even been able to start chemo on her yet. I am a momma's boy, I take no shame in it. She's one helluva woman, long haul truck driver for over 30 years of her life. She was meaner and tougher when I was growing up than most of my friend's fathers tried to think they were. She's now unable to talk because the tumors pressing against her larynx and losing 10 lbs a month for the last 2 months she didn't need to lose. Brothers, say of me what you will, but she has always been a pillar in my life. Not an excuse for the blotto drunk evening I had, there is no true excuse for that, just tryin' to show my mind set going in.

I hit the bar at 8 or so, and started playing the alphabet game. For those whom aren't familiar with the alphabet game, this is arguably one of the ugliest and most dangerous one's to play. Don't even attempt it unless you're very good friends with the bar staff (especially the bouncers) and you're afraid of dying because your BAC level will sky rocket to the point of death if your bartender isn't keeping a close eye on you. The goal is simple - you go through all the liquors and go as follows for example: Absolut, Bacardi 151, Captain Morgan.... ohh yes folks, this is a mixed liquor game. Anyways, cutting to the chase I made it to U in less than 2.5 hours, and afterward I did the BAC calculator to find I was close to .441 BAC by 10:30PM. U is also the last thing I remember because I blacked out.

The club I go to is one I do odd jobs for, fixing their DJ booth and office computers and I know all the employees by first and last name. I also know almost everyone who works as a stripper there. The agreement was I turned my keys in as soon as I walked into the door, and I have permission to sleep on the premises, and if I became belligerent I was to be locked into the old office which can only be unlocked from the outside with two bottles of water put in there with me. Folks - I may drink to stupid levels from time to time, but I always make an effort to "get drunk responsibly."

Unfortunately there was a twist that happened after I was blacked out that caused me confusion for all of Friday. As I said - I blacked out, entire memory failure, without even brief flashes of memory to help connect the dots too. I woke up in prison clothes, with the odd taste of capcasin on my skin. This is what you call a butt puckering situation. I've had fire arms pointed at me by very angry individuals and never been that freaked out and scared. I'd come to learn that two of the dancers that I know felt sorry for me and hauled me out of there against my will. To their credit, they were genuine in their effort to be nice, they just failed to realize a few small things: first if a man says when he's drunk he cannot be allowed to leave, there's probably a good reason for him saying that instead of "put me in a taxi and add it to my tab." Also just because a man appears to be nearly passed out does not mean he'll still be as quiet in ohh an hour or two.

See folks - I'm not a violent drunk. Even when I'm so far gone I'm arguably legally insane, I start quoting Nietzsche and other existentialist writers, I get naked, puke a lot, and cry. My friends could've taken the puking, nudity, and sobbing - but I guess when I started shouting out how God is dead and we've all killed them they understandably freaked out and called the cops to have me put in the drunk tank. They didn't know that this means I'd need to get charged with a crime to be put there though. From what I understand from the guards, I was hauled in with little effort, but was so far gone I couldn't follow their booking orders. So they pepper sprayed me... twice. Lord knows when a man is to drunk to understand the words coming out of their mouths pepper spray works so well , but I can't hold a grudge, after all I don't even remember it. Heck, I've paid good money to be put into that much pain anyways, but I prefer a female in black leather to do it.

So I wake up and finally have memory forming ability back. They hauled me out of my nice cozy drunk tank and put me into community, run me through the pre-trial interview, put me in front of a judge... and through it all I still have no idea what happened. Last thing I remembered was hitting the letter U at the club, and claiming I finally broke my old record (of S.) So I'm finally out with a court date of the 28th, in puke and pepper spray soaked clothes, 10 miles from my truck, 30 miles from my house - no cash or debit card on me (that was still at the bar.) But I called the club, and the owner called a taxi out to me, and paid for it when I arrived... how nice. When I got back to the club I learned of my drunken antics from my friends that could no longer look me in the eye, and folks... I've never felt that degree of shame in my life, nor confusion.

So I sit here tonight looking for a lawyer, as Eugene has decided I make to much for a court appointed lawyer. I'm not overly worried aside from cost because this is a mens rea state, and trespass requires voluntary violation, and I was placed in that motel room without my consent while sober or drunk. But still this is one heck of a hassle once you realize, it happened because friends tried to help, but didn't know what they were getting themselves into trying to help you.

So I'd like to share a lesson or two I learned from this:
First, I do encourage people to drink in a place where they know you sober. Really, after my antics were known to the entire club, the first question everyone had was "Richard, are you okay?" not laughing at my expense.

Second, drinking to forget never works, about the only good thing you'll ever get out of it is a limelight on the problems you had going in. Arguably, I maintain... after all that hell and self caused shame, I'm actually happier for it all.

Third, more police need to learn that some of us in the world feed off pain, and if the first can of pepper spray causes us to cackle, that second can and a taser probably will not help.

Well, hope your week goes better than my last week folks. Have a good one.

Iateronmly.

I hope your ma gets well soon.

But the fact you quote Nietzsche while drunk is phenomenal.

Quote: Originally Posted by Master Yunk I hope your ma gets well soon. But the fact you quote Nietzsche while drunk is phenomenal.

Actually that's the part that freaked them out the most I think. Even more than offering of sexual services. When I started going on about existentialism and reminding them we're all just mortal in the end and our purposes in life must be strong to keep us strong... well I guess that's one not many hear.

Well, glad you're up and about.

And hope this week is better than the last for you too.

BTW - Sorry to hear about your mom. Cancer's a real bittch.
Lost my mother-in-law to throat cancer... I still miss her.

Take care, man.

Sorry to hear about ya Mom Iat! I remember when I found out mine had Breast Cancer it sent me over that 'oh so jagged' edge but no, like you said - It didn't make me forget or make it any easier on myself.
I'm glad you learned a lesson from this
My thoughts are with you!

Paul.

I'm usually a happy drunk... I ****ed up in training with the company I work with a couple years back though...

I'm a lightweight, and I tried to keep up with our corporate trainer... I didn't really know what an AMF was, but I learned quickly as I went from kicking his ass at darts to hitting to floor and propping myself against the wall to do it.

I remember part of the night... He was hitting on the girl at the window at "Weinershnitzel" (or however the hell you spell that) and I was telling him to "Shut the **** up, he was married and to drive us back to the damn hotel 'cause I was going to be sick in his car, or in my room... whatever he preferred... I remember cussin' him out good...

One of four times I've ever been drunk in my life. I didn't even think I was going to get drunk, but we had gone to a bunch of places I couldn't find anything to eat at (Vegans don't do well at seafood restuarants). So basically, I was operating off of an empty stomach and the alcohol snuck up on me and clubbed me hard. I went back to my room... part of corporate policy is that we have roommates. Mine managed to narc me out for coming in drunk off my ass, and I spent about an hour throwing my guts up in the only bathroom me had...

I then called my girlfriend... I don't remember most of the conversation, but she said I was extremely polite (almost comically so), and it was cute. So... I guess I did okay there!

Still... never woke up in jail, and I sure hope I never do!


Add: Richard, sorry about your mom man... my parents are turning into medical nightmares themselves and I know it isn't easy..

sorry to hear about your mom. i hope things work out for her, and she will be in my prayers.


if a person ever offers you a instant-mix to drink, i suggest run.

instamix = take two types of alcohol and a chaser. then take your victim, have them tilt thier head back, and then pour in everything at once, while the person just keeps drinking,..


after one round you should be wasted.

this was the only time i have ever blacked out.

I am sorry to hear about your mom, but if she is half as tough as I would imagine a long haul trucker to be, she will be around for a good long while. Definitely long enough to beat you silly for the drunken stupor you got yourself into.

As for that, all I can say is "Wow" With a BAC that high they could have filtered your blood to fill a couple of bottles of moonshine. Just keep this thought in mind, one day, it will make a hell of a story to tell the kids/grandkids/nephews/whoever. And good luck in court.

Back in the day, your evening sounded like a typical Thursday night.

Glad you're OK, it's nice to have friends. It's alright to be stupid sometimes as long as you survive and learn.

"He's a drunk. He's an absolute qualified drunk, and if there were an Olympic drinking team, he would be the head coach."

Lord knows I've made some drunken mistakes. I finally came to the conclusion that I'm only allowed to drink at the house. Once I start drinking I don't leave and I never drink when I'm away from the house. Never. I was so bad that nowadays I won't even leave the house after dark, even if I'm not drinking. Nightfall is a alcohol nightmare.

Yeah, I seem to like running into traffic when I'm drunk, not the best thing to do

Like Slaymate, I only consume at home now. I won't even touch a drop when I am doing a NASCAR weekend at Kansas Speedway. It's much safer and less embarrassing that way.

Quote: Originally Posted by BigAkita Like Slaymate, I only consume at home now. I won't even touch a drop when I am doing a NASCAR weekend at Kansas Speedway. It's much safer and less embarrassing that way.

You know I've thought about that over the years... but for me it's always seemed safer to drink at bars/clubs/lounges than at personal domiciles. I've been to way to many rough parties at personal domiciles. That said - doesn't matter in this scenario, because with my degree of intoxication - I was probably risking my life. I haven't drank in over a week now because of it, and don't intent to again for a long time (year +).

Quote: Originally Posted by Iateronmly You know I've thought about that over the years... but for me it's always seemed safer to drink at bars/clubs/lounges than at personal domiciles. I've been to way to many rough parties at personal domiciles. That said - doesn't matter in this scenario, because with my degree of intoxication - I was probably risking my life. I haven't drank in over a week now because of it, and don't intent to again for a long time (year +).

plus its harder to to get to drunk at $6 a beer / shot

im broke, so after 2 im done

So anyways - I plead not guilty, paid my security and still don't know when my court date is.

Also decided since the max on trespass are so low, I'd represent myself. Even if I really screw it up, I'll have a good story.

Quote: Originally Posted by Iateronmly Even if I really screw it up, I'll have a good story.

Just hope your "good story" does not end with: "...so that's where Spike and I met and fell in love."

Quote: Originally Posted by Im_gumby Just hope your "good story" does not end with: "...so that's where Spike and I met and fell in love."

It ends with "Charge of criminal trespass in the second degree dismissed." and me asking "So where are those expungement packets..."

Whew!

And expungement packet goodness to boot!

Did you check yourself carefully for new tattoos?