Yo,

It's the samurai comin' atcha... yeah, that's right. You know it. I'm the shizzle for fizzle bizzel!

BTW: don't ask me what the hell I just said 'cause I'm STILL trying to figure it out...

Okay. Now that the obligatory pimpness is out of the way, time to get down to business.

It's the holiday seasons, your ol' pal the Samurai got a job in retail (Yep... I'm working at Fry's Electronics in Phoenix. Nice to know my rather expensive education has landed me into an entry level job... guy next to me has a bachelor's in Information Systems, so I'm not gonna complain).

Aside from all the wonderous hours I'll be working (I NEED a car), I'll be a little light on the posting until probably the second week in february.

Now then, what does this mean to you.

Not much actually. I'll be smackin' you up with knowledge on schedule... Nothing so cool as a new revolution on the horizon, but I'll be doin' the standard top tens, and maybe a little bit of "customer stories" (which I should be chalk full of... I've already got a few).

Anyway... 'nough of my personal crap... let's rock and roll!

TOP TEN: Geeks and Nerds versus "Normal" people this holiday season!

1. LIGHTS

Normal people: wire up some lights, maybe throw a wreath on the door.

Geeks: Blow up a power substation by sucking it DRY. Aside from the laser beams and blinding motorists with 40 billion watts of moving holiday lights... it was probably the THX surround sound set that was a little over the top.

Nerds: "Oh... it's that time of the year AGAIN. Tell the family they don't need to buy me anything, I've got a copy of Unix and a computer to run it on that can track "pi" down to 3 billion decimal points. Who the hell needs more than that?"

2. FOOD

Normal people: Do a nice holiday meal with their families. Complete with roast beast and all the trimmings.

Geeks: phone a delivery pizza. Maybe take a walk down to the 7-11 for a "Double Gulp" to go with it.

Nerds: Order a pizza delivery on-line.

3. SHOPPING

Normal people: Shop for the holidays the day after thanksgiving. Most people have it all planned out.

Geeks: Either did their shopping in July, or order on-line. Why spend five hours in traffic, three hours in line and max out your credit cards?

Nerds: Oh yeah... I have family. Well, I'm sure the upgrades I hacked into their cable service is enough. Nothing says "love" like a lifetime of free "Spice" channel...

4. Holiday Activities

Normal people: Gather around the TV for a bunch of old-time holiday TV shows, complete with peace and love.

Geeks: Play "Vice City"... the color of blood is festive!

Nerds: Hang an auto air-freshner in the shape of a pine tree on the side of their monitor.

Might possibly become melancholy and decide to program in "Cobal" or "Fortran" to remember those carefree days of youth. (for older nerds, this may involve punching cards)

5. Kids

Normal Kids: Want a bicycle, games or toys.

Geek Kids: Want a power-house video card, a video capture card and a DVD burner so they can convert their favorite cartoons to DIVX and store 'em on optical media.

NERD KIDS: Same as Geek Kids, but they want to do all of it out of Debian Linux.

6. Music

Normal People: sing along with holiday music.

Geeks: Change the words to holiday music. Stuff like "In my shop, there's some solder. It's so great... to be a modder! Hacking my rig, photoshopin' a sig... Livin' in a computer wonderland!"

Nerds: "Sleigh bells ring... are you listening?"

NO! I'm trying to program, keep it down dammit!

7. Big Kids

Normal People: "I remember when I was a kid... I wanted a luke skywalker action figure!"

Geeks: "I want a Luke Skywalker Action figure!"

Nerds: "I have the entire collection of Star Wars and Star Trek action figures. Including all the books, special edition movies and a copy of the original "Star Wars" on Beta-max. Who's your DADDY?

8. Holiday cheer

Normal People: Peace on earth, good will towards men... 'cept that bitch who's eyein' the last "Furby"! She's gotta die!

Geeks: W00t!!! I just made it to the last level of "Call of Duty"!

Nerds: Yes! The error was in the debugging software! Error codes at x8477733220123929720934784`38`374`8709292929292929 37362`6521356187 and Z47362523758659X345678 could have ONLY been a flaw in the developers code! God, to think they wouldn't miss something this OBVIOUS!


9. A silent prayer:

Normal People: Please let me be more understanding of my fellow man and be able to face the challenges of the next year.

Geeks: Please let me make the top ten online list in Return to Castle Wolfenstein.

Nerds: This year, like last year, I resolve to get abducted by an advanced race of aliens... and be forced to pleasure their large busted, blue-skinned women to father hybrid alien babies who will dominate the earth.

10. Snack Foods

Normal People: Candy Canes and the Fruit cake everyone keeps trying to feed to the dog (who prefers the taste of his own anus to that of the fruitcake).

Geeks: Whatever high-caffeine content is available in "Festive" cans.

Nerds: Hostess Snoballs come in red and green during this time of the year...

So I have 5 for nerd, and 5 for geek, where does this put me?

I think I rated mostly nerd with 4/6. I hope that is a good thing!!

thank you lord samurai, i now know what i am. i am a nerdy geek thas what. great!!!!

now what am i supposed to do?

Apart from #'s 3 & 6 I'm "normal"

Quote: Originally posted by Ben So I have 5 for nerd, and 5 for geek, where does this put me?

A Neek or a Gerd?

On 10, I get my holiday beverage of choice from the cow down the street. They make eggnog better than any of the big dairies around.