Well gang, I've been interviewing for work. What this seems to involve is me sitting around on my ass for an hour until someone takes pity on me and starts asking me a battery of questions.

I keep trying to remember I need to tell them the answers they wanna hear instead of "Company policies are usually made by dumb-ass execs who wouldn't know how to find their ass with both hands and a flashlight". Not sayin' I don't follow corporate policy, I just don't always think they're right...

Still, that's any job.

I've made it up to "drug and background check" so I naturally had to go give my "contribution" for testing.

I find this rather amusing 'cause where-as they can't discriminate against me for my religion, color, or gender... they can refuse me based off what's sittin' in my bladder.

I'm sure they're going to find my "sample" is radioactive from the amount of caffeine I drink anyway... but it's kind of annoying that a sales position requires a comprehensive background check, a drug test, and I'm sure they'll want blood at some point in the near future!

Regardless, I let my mouth run with my brain... here are those results!

TOP TEN FUN THINGS TO SAY WHILE IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR DRUG TESTING!

*-I said almost every one of these.

1. When I arrived at the lab, the gal behind the desk said, "Okay, I need everyone to line up so we can take care of you by number".

MY REPLY: "Yeah... Number#1 or Number#2..."

2. "Who wakes up one morning, stretches out and says to themselves "I think I wanna spend my life studying urine?"

3. They have a thermometer on the "sample" bottle.

My response: "Temperature today will be balmy 99.2 degrees with high humidity..."

4. Nothin' like the smell of urine in the evening... Nothin' at all.

5. "If I do Vodka slammers all night, am I still considered "drug free"?

6. The gal said, "You need to hurry, we close in fifteen minutes..." I of course muttered, "Shake a leg 'right?"

7. First thing a couple of us lined up to sign in, she says, "I'm sorry, ya'll have to go home."

The one response I DIDN'T SAY, but I did think sarcastically, "Awww, and I've been walkin' around with this balloon of my friend's urine tied to my leg ALL DAY!"

The one I did say was "Aww, but I studied!"

8. Another one I resisted: "You're just taking my urine to clone me aren't you! I'm on to your sick and twisted game!"

9. When I got into the uhh... "Testing area" (AKA: The bathroom), there's crime scene tape all over the place (taped up the back of the toilet, the sinks, etc...

My response: "Wow... I feel like I'm in Robert Downy Junior's house!"

10. Let me guess... you guy filled up squirt guns with what's left over for the Hospital's annual company picnic.


In all seriousness, I understand the need for a drug free workplace... but I'm thinkin' drug-testing should be selected only for those employees who show signs of potentially being on drugs... of course, I was amped on caffeine... they probably thought I'm a speed freak. Nevermind!

I still find it apalling that they take a drug test as a condition of employment.

What I do on my own time is my business. As long as it doesn't affect my working time, why should they care what I put into my body? It is mine after all.

No one will ever convince me otherwise.

Not to mention they are violating your 5th Ammendment right against "Self Incrimination".

Quote: Originally posted by FeRaL Not to mention they are violating your 5th Ammendment right against "Self Incrimination".

That would only apply if they tried to use that UA against you in court, not in hiring.

My problem with drug testing is that it encourages the use of hard drugs.

You don't think so? Soft drugs like THC (weed) hang around in the system for up to three months, hard stuff like speed and horse are gone in three days. Who would you rather work with? Someone who has a spliff on a Friday night, or someone who mainlines H?. Come the Monday morning test, the former is going to test positive, the latter won't.

Drug testing is for pussy corporations - if they suspect someone of drug use, they should have the balls to deal with that person, and not put everyone under suspicion.

Hrm... what about the laws that prohibit hiring discrimination based on medical condition? Not sure what the legal stand is on it and I could be mistatken but isn't "additction" classified as a "disease" by the AMA? Will have to look into that a little more.

If you had the inclination, time, money, etc. it might be fun to eat lotsa poppyseed bread the week before, fail the test, then sue the B-Jesus outta everybody.

-MF

I'de have to agree with Jon on this one. One of my collateral duties in the Navy was to work for the base Urinalysis Testing Program. I've read the DOD drug screening manual and drugs like Extasy only stay testable in your system for 3-4 days depending on the dosages where Pot depending on the dosages can last for over a month depending on body composition as well.

I've worked places where the only time you're drug tested is on hire, and if you hurt yourself.

If they prove you hurt yourself while under the influence of drugs, they don't have to pay workman's comp...

They just started random drug testing at my frist job, the survey job, costs u 50 bucks and you get ur money back if u pass, if you don't they keep it i think, but that is b.s., no worries for me though im proally the cleanest guy there. half of the people there smoke pot, half of the potheads do coke, half of those who do coke also do X and half of the ones who do X got god only knows what else in their system.

Here ya go Dark: http://mycleanpee.com/

Who wakes up one morning and decides they're going to sell their urine!?

Drug testing is such a waste of time and resources. Only complete morons ever get caught and it is an invasion of privacy. It would be much better to give the intervewee an aptitude test instead and hire people who know what they're doing as opposed to Best-Buy employees. If their drug habit affects their work, then they should get canned because of their lack of performance.

I see you still haven't found a job yet.
I've managed to get one working in a warehouse for ten bucks / hour. Not too bad for the moment, but I think I'll go to trade school and take up welding or custom painting. You know what they say....if you always plan your job around your hobbies you will be a happy man.....or something like that.

I just did the little test myself. I never had to test to get the job in the first place, but they switched us all to one contract house, and I had to, in a sense, re-apply for my job

I studied and passed the test...But, it realy irks me that they wasted all that money.. for something that is such a waste of time.
They are too cheap to go for Hair Sampling, the only way to tell for sure. If they are concerned with weeding out the stupid people, that is a good test, but not for catching anyone with half a brain

Anon, I admire you career choices, since I have done them both....BUT

My favorite parts of the job were coming home coverd in filth, coughing and hacking from fumes (especialy when your spit is the same color as the car I was working on, Red being my favorite) and the burns that leave nice scars.

I loved doing those jobs, and even when wearing protective gear on the job, stuff still gets in you justbreathing air in the shop. Sometimes I would just forgot to put a mask on out of laziness (especialy when its 90 degrees out)

Not discouraging you, but those are the finer points of real world experience. I am much happier being a Tech, I get a nice clean bench, clean air, and kewl toys to play with (Crash Testing Dummies)
I got this gig based on Machine Repair experience, wich came from repairing high speed automated assembly lines at TRW.

Just a career path to consider (Machine Repair) it pays well, and is in demand
(and everything is tied to a computer these days too )