As if to prove the adage that when one door shuts, another one slams; not only has KayinStorm departed (hopefully just temporarily), the PR staff have been foolish enough to give me the job of keeping his chair warm !

Taz’ suggested that I do an “about me” item for my first official PR piece, so here goes. He also suggested that I made it funny … oh well, 1 out of 2 isn’t a bad start.

I was going to post a pic, but IÂ’ve been advised of the PG-13 rating here ... Just imagine a Cartman/hamster hybrid with a pie & curry retention problem & youÂ’re there.

Outside of modding, IÂ’m into bikes (modified and/or fast); Bonsai; reading (mostly Sci-Fi); classic and/or fast cars (you name it, IÂ’ve probably driven it, or, more likely, crashed it); and cooking (but mostly, eating).
Recent financial reverses now mean I have a Honda maggot in the garage (unridden in over a year), and drive a small French diesel … how the mighty have decelerated, as I often say. Mind you, the car’s got a 1903cc turbo engine, so apart from the ability to bump-start trains & pull down trees with all that torque, I have also discovered the new pastime of out-accelerating Jags, BMs, & Golf GTi’s up to its’ 120 max speed… if anyone goes faster than that & eventually gets past, I hold up a sign saying “It’s a diesel: be *very* embarrassed”.
IÂ’ve also recently got into model making, sometimes plastic, but mostly card/paper, because itÂ’s *cheap*.
I guess IÂ’ll have to check with GK whether IÂ’m actually *allowed* to keep up these other interests any more!

Musically, IÂ’ve got no talent whatsoever, I was once in a choir, but there was no chance of me going solo, I have no sense of Â… Â… timing.
What I listen to is pretty varied … “eclectic” is an over-used & pretentious term, so let’s call my collection “schizoid” instead … I guess the highlights, if you can call them that, fall into several categories:
Rock (Manic Street Preachers, Fun LovinÂ’ Criminals, Hendrix, Meat Loaf, Nirvana, Oasis, Radiohead, T Rex, The Verve);
Pop (Dubstar, Saint Etienne, James);
Ska/Reggae/Dub (Dreadzone, Aswad, Toots & the Maytals, Desmond Dekker, The Specials);
Goth (The Cure, Sisters of Mercy);
Hip Hop/Electro (Ice T, NWA, Boogie Down Productions, Third Bass, Mantronix);
some classical (Ravel, Debussy, Gershwin);
some older stuff (Roy Orbison, Otis Redding, Sam & Dave);
a huge section that refuses to be classified … let’s just call it “dance” (?) (CJ Bolland, Chicane, Apollo 440, Bomb the Bass, The Aloof, BT, Faithless, Jah Wobble, Leftfield, Massive Attack, Robert Miles, The Orb, Orbital, The Prodigy, Sneaker Pimps);
and a bit of chillinÂ’ oriented stuff (Deep Forest, Enigma, Morcheeba, Vangelis).
Other than that, I *hate* modern R’n’B, and Country & Western … but there are always exceptions: Dolly Parton’s “Jolene” is a classic. That wasn’t a joke, BTW.

I suppose I had better tell you about my domestic situation too … pretty sad really, I had to move back in with my parents after I lost my job late last spring, they’re ok, but there’s nothing like having your own space. I lost my “significant other” at the same time, she wasn’t going to deal with me staying over at her parents’ place, or her staying over at my parents’ – about par for the course really, my relationships have mostly been short term & intense, or long & part time. I’m still not working – I do the odd bit of computer building & troubleshooting, the odd bit of writing, a bit of website work, & I have sold a lot of stuff on eBay to make ends meet, but the money thing is getting a bit too tight now, and if the 2 prospects that I’ve got in the pipeline don’t come off, I’ll be washing dishes in a restaurant before the end of the year. Just as long as I don’t have to listen to “A Christmas Gift for You” while doing it.



I just want to say a great big thanks to PR for giving me the opportunity to be a staff member. You can bet “Writer for PR” is going on my cv (resume) – how many hits a day was it again ? I hope I’ll be able to justify the faith that the other staffers have placed in me – and no disappearing tricks this time either.

Oh yeah, perhaps I also should say, in case you haven’t worked it out, I’m English (*not* “Briddish” as you colonials are wont to say), so when I type words like “colour”, it’s *not* a typo …

… and “mirror” has two syllables, “warrior” has three, and when you say “alien”, it’s meant to have an “L” in it. (j/k!)

… and I’m not even going to start on the differences in usage of the words “fanny” and “spunk” !

Â…

IÂ’ve just realised that as itÂ’s past midnight here, so either:
I donÂ’t have to write another piece until Sunday
- OR -
I just missed my first deadline. Oops !


Â…

And a final, final word (for today, anyway), I only have ideas for another 6 pieces at the moment , so if anyone has any ideas for articles (phenomena in need of mocking, etc, etc), please PM me Â… if nothing else, I can always post the best (or, more likely) the worst ideas in lieu of doing the work myself !

Very good first official writing Jonny English.

I hope to learn more about the Brittish (oops English) language and humor in your future writings. (hint, hint...maybe some ideas there?)

Well, lt looks like you made a great first impression...congrads again!

Bloody good writing, Johnny.

Thanks !

I heard that Taz is running a sweepstake on how long it'll take for the power to go to my head & for me to demand that some poor hapless n00b "RESPECY MY AUTHORIT-AY"

Perhaps he'll post the odds here ?

Welcome welcome and i can officially say i know know more that i ever wanted to know about you....

ive got a ton of ideas ill PM you with em..... let me know what you think

Very nice Jon, Welcome aboard the Pimp Train.

Bravo ole' chap! (I probably buggered that saying up nice and right, or is that good and propper?)

This is truly eye opening. Up until now everything I knew about the English I picked up from Monty Python. Unfortunately it was only one episode of Monty Python. And it was the one they did in German. nod nod wink wink

Welcome aboard Jon.

I love Monty Python!

Fawlty Towers is another favourite.

But, Mr. Bean takes the cake!

Any nation with a dish called spotted **** must have a sense of humor.

Welcome aboard JTP.

Very good writing Jonny, but I would expect no less based on your previous posts. T- Rex hah? Bang a Gong you 20th Century Boy. I still have The Slider on vinyl.

Cj bolland? i though i was the only one that knew of him......and this is from a small town ohio kid....BTW you like mars & mystre?
and congrats!!!

I was going to post some comments earlier, but decided to wait until the forum gave some feedback. You did excellent, and I think the members agree.

You, I, and the other regs go back a ways; I know that your style will be appreciated here.

Quote: I have also discovered the new pastime of out-accelerating Jags, BMs, & Golf GTi’s up to its’ 120 max speed… if anyone goes faster than that & eventually gets past, I hold up a sign saying “It’s a diesel: be *very* embarrassed”

LMAO

lol, very good artical, like many others here ill be looking forward to more

Your making it very hard to eat this ice, im laughing to damn hard!

Excellent writing as im drinking my morning cup of Bewley's.
Keep your head up put on your finest whistle and flute and go get a job so you can buy a new jam jar with the chickens neck !!!

Well... lets just say that when kayin comes back I hope they let you stick around as well.

Quote: Originally posted by Anathema .... Oh, and putwig.. don't forget to add the custard to your spotted d#ck! (Wow.. if that could sound any more wrong... lol)

... only if you'd offered to give him a hand !