Let's face it... the life of ANYONE who has to explain computer functions to other people as part of their job, is going to have a few rough edges (mostly from the fact that those people can be remarkably dense)! Thus, submitted for your approval...

The Network Administrator's TOP TEN INSULTS!

1. "Sure, I can help you solve your printer issue. I love helping all you adorable little morons!"

2. "WAHAHAHAHAA! Oh man, that was a good one!

Oh wait... you were serious?

WAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*choke*" (then fall off your chair).

3. "Okay, this is a computer... this is MY computer... see how it actually WORKS. It's not that hard to do! Now then, this is YOUR computer... any questions?"

4. "I'll fix your computer... but first you have to do something for me... See all those books on the shelf right there? Yeah, the computer books. TAKE ONE HOME and have somebody READ IT TO YOU!"

5. "Okay... I'll admit it. I DID ask you to leave me alone and try to solve this issue yourself. I should have known that even with a 50% chance of answering a pop-up box with two questions correctly, you'd STILL blow it!"

6. "Yes, I'm sure the degree you're blabbering about is really impressive, but I'm fairly sure but I'm fairly sure a *laureate isn't what we're looking for to fix this computer."

7. "Yes, I'm sure you have other skills... I'm not sure what they ARE exactly, but we KNOW it's not backing up your information, or learning that erasing essential operating system files is NOT a good thing."

8. "I like to ease new employees in to the use of our systems. This will be your computer. Mess it up, and I'll make your life a living hell. This concludes your technical training."

9. Yes Carl, I know you were a big-shot sports star in College while I was sitting in the computer lab night after night. I also know you make more money as the head of marketing... but I have one thing to say...

I'm the one who controls the information in your world now. With a wave of my hand and a few keystrokes, you can kiss the last seven months of your work
down the toilet...

Knowing that, I think I'd like you to get up on the table and bark like a little dog for me... "

"Louder Fifi!"

10. Over the intercom system: "I'd like to make a company wide announcement. I think we should do some training on why the computer systems have been acting up lately. Everyone, I want you to follow along with me. I want you to lift up your hand, and point at yourself. Got it? Good... Now then, repeat after me, "Whose fault is it that the computers keep going down?"



*- A "Laureate" is USUALLY a degree in Poetry, if ya didn't know! (although some of you seem to know better than others....)