Okay gang...
I'm moving away from selling computer bits and peices to installing them...
Regardless, my sales experience cannot be forgotten, and I'd like to post the wisdom I've gained in my last six months...
TOP TEN: GOOD WAYS TO PISS OFF A COMPUTER SALESMAN.
1. Don't walk in, spend an hour of the salesman's time, and then tell them you're going somewhere else to buy it. If you want tech-support for free, try a forum... Hell, call "Dell"...
2. The salesman doesn't usually set the prices on computer parts. Saying dumb crap like, "You can do better than this, can't you?" or "Is there anything cheaper" is insulting the both of you.
This kind of bartering is better reserved for buying a car.
3. When you've opted for the CHEAPEST POS in the store, don't put yourself in with the herd...
Don't say, "Is this any good?"
We can't, as salespeople say, "Yes, Mr. Customer. It sucks donkey, your neighbors will point and laugh at you, and you'll be lucky if you're not injured when the damn thing explodes..."
If it's the cheapest thing in the store, it can be safely assumed it probably sucks severe ass.
4. Please do NOT say, "So, are you the expert on (insert product)."
I've heard many salesman at the end of the night coming up with responses to this...
Several suggestions were:
" Oh sure, my dad invented it."
"Yes, I went to the Harvard school of USB-ology."
"What's a (product name)?"
"You want Bob..." (there is no-one named "Bob" in our department).
"If you want an expert, you're probably going to get the name of the company's R&D..."
If you make this mistake, we'll say for example.
"Are you the expert on Video Cards?"
Me: "I'm an expert at everything. It's hard to be perfect, but it's one of the burdens I bare." (yes, I HAVE used this line).
Don't do more damage by asking this next question:
"Where are they?"
You do NOT need an "expert" just to find something...
5. Don't come to a computer store to ask a salesman about complex stuff. There is a GOOD chance you're going to get:
- A: A wrong answer
- B: You're not going to remember everything he said and get pissed off when everything crashes.
- or C: You discover he was kidding when he said, "Ah hell, just wipe out your root partition. Nobody uses them anyway".
6. People got along before cell-phones just fine... answering yours during a conversation with a salesperson is wasting his/her time...
7. Try to pay attention. Asking a salesman who has his hands full and is grunting under the weight of it, probably isn't the best person to ask dumb questions of...
EXAMPLE:
I'm carrying two computer boxes (with computers in' em) to the Service department. It's heavy as hell and I'm trying to hurry before I drop them 'cause the boxes don't have hand-holds. I had no less than three people stop me with questions like:
Customer: "Where do I find a book on Photoshop?"
Me: "In the software department. You can see the sign from here, you might go ask those guys."
Customer, snuggling in closer (they all do when they feel they "have" you): "I was curious if you think the history of photoshop is as exciting as I do. Why, I remember the good old days when my pappy had to draw on the ground with a stick 'cause paper hadn't been invented yet..."
(Five minutes, and a lot of sweat later)
"Anyway, where was that book?"
8. Quoting magazines from the past is NOT going to help you.
Quoting, "I read in
PC Universe Magazine that warranties are a scam and you should feel ashamed for trying to screw me over!"
Let me tell ya... warranties are worth the freakin' money in a lot of cases. Especially when you buy cheap crap.
PDAs are notorious for "dead spots" where the stylus doesn't do anything, laptop and flatscreens can have LCD problems with dead pixels and cheap desktops die on a fairly regular basis. Also, the salesman usually makes most of his money on the sale off a warranty sadly enough... a lot of products are being sold at a loss just to get you in the store.
9. Ignorance is a crime...
I know a salesman who LOVES people who don't know computers. He WILL literally say things like "Yeah, you need hyperthreading if you want to be on the internet." and yes... he knows better.
Coming in "playing smart" may leave your ass sore after you lay the money down...
10. Don't quote your friends...
Billy Joe Bob may NOT be quite the expert you think he is.
I had a guy this morning who would NOT take "YES, IT WILL WORK WITH YOUR GOD- (expletive), mother-(expletive), worthless (another expletive) SONY LAPTOP!
Why not? Because someone he had met ten minutes before told him to get the one on sale...
The guy was immovable. I was introduced to him as someone who knew what he was looking for, he obviously didn't know the answer himself... but because the other salesman suggested he get the one on sale, he HAD to have that one.
Oh... and When I say: "GUESS WHAT? IT'll WORK WITH YOUR GOD- (expletive), mother-(expletive), worthless (another expletive) SONY LAPTOP!"
I MEAN IT'll WORK WITH YOUR GOD- (expletive), mother-(expletive), worthless (another expletive) SONY LAPTOP!"
To that gentle readers, I bid you good night (or should I say good morning...)