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Jonny English · 20-November-03, 03:17 AM

Todays' post is rather out of date, but since TCP & IP went to all that trouble, I thought it was only fair to use it....

IP: Hi there! We're Jonny English's replacements - Kayin's fish, he's TCP, and I'm IP.
TCP: As you may know, Jonny's been dismissed for anti-rev-hoe-lutionary conduct ...
IP: Whatever that means.
TCP: ... and we'll be posting in his slots from now on.
IP: That's the great thing about being involved in a revolution...
TCP: What?
IP: ... rapid promotion.
TCP: Ah. So why are we using Jonny's account then? Is this DS & KS showing off their power?
IP: No, it just the only people who know to set the privileges correctly are tied up in a Las Vegas hotel.
TCP: Kinky!
IP: I don't think they had a choice in the matter.
TCP: S&M? Kinky!

IP: Right. You may have been wondering about our names - let me tell you that IP is short for "Internet Protocol", and TCP means "Transmission...
TCP: Transaction.
IP: ... Control Protocol".
TCP: Transaction.
IP: What?
TCP: You said "Transmission".
IP: So?
TCP: It's not "Transmission", it's "transaction".
IP: What's the difference?
TCP: The difference? he says!
IP: Yes, what's the difference?
TCP: One is correct, the other is a misconception held only by stupid fish.
IP: Are you calling me stupid?
TCP: You're so stupid you don't know what TCP means!

IP: Transmission, Transaction. Po-tay-to, Po-tah-to.
TCP: I find that very insulting!
IP: What?
TCP: The chips gag!
IP: What chips gag?
TCP: You said potato!
IP: So?
TCP: Chips are made from Potatos.
IP: What?
TCP: Fish & Chips!
IP: Oh.
TCP: Yeah.

IP: Sorry.
TCP: About getting my name wrong, or about the potatos?
IP: If I say both, will you let us get on with this commentary?
TCP: If you mean it.
IP: OK, I'm sorry.
TCP: About what?
IP: What?
TCP: What are you sorry about?
IP: Oh, for bogs sake!
TCP: Well, if you're going to be like that you can do this article on your own!

IP: TCP?
TCP: Yes?
IP: I'm sorry.
TCP: Yes?
IP: About getting your name wrong _and_ the chips thing.
TCP: OK
IP: OK?
TCP: Yep.
IP: So we can get on now?
TCP: OK
IP: Hug?
IP: Hug!

TCP: So, d'you see the Bears game last week?
IP: Yeah, great game.
TCP: Ahem.
IP: Ahem.

TCP: So, what are we going to talk about?
IP: Um ....
TCP: Any ideas?
IP: Um ...
TCP: Come on, people are waiting....

IP: Got it!
TCP: Yes?
IP: The feeding of the 5,000.
TCP: What?
IP: The miracle of the loaves & fishes

TCP: I knew it ...
IP: What?
TCP: You're obsessed with death aren't you?
IP: What?
TCP: First the fish & chips thing, now the loaves & fishes!
IP: Well, excuse me for wanting to post somethin relevant!

TCP: How is that relevant?
IP: It's got fish in it!
TCP: Exactly - fish being eaten!
IP: You're being oversensitive! It's one of the great Biblical miracles!
TCP: Yes! And you pick the one with fish being eaten in it!

IP: How many other miracles are there with fish in them?
TCP: Um ...
IP: Got you there!

TCP: Water into wine!
IP: That's got fish in it?
TCP: OF course it has! There must have been fish in that river!
IP: So you want to talk about drunk fish?
TCP: Um .. I see your point.
IP: So we can do the loaves & fishes then?
TCP: OK, I guess so.
IP: OK, great.

TCP: I just wish it didn't involve fish. Why couldn't it have been loaves, a piece of cheese and a jar of pickle?
IP: I give up...

TCP: What sort of fish were they?
IP: Excuse me?
TCP: What sort of fish were they? They must have been pretty big.
IP: I think you're missing the point.
TCP: I mean, they must have been Blue Whales or something!
IP: No, they were just regular fish.
TCP: The loaves must have been the size of 18-wheelers too!
IP: Again, they were just regular sized loaves.
TCP: So how did everyone get fed?
IP: It was a miracle.
TCP: Oh. I think I get it.
IP: At last!
TCP: It was a miracle how everyone got served on time...
IP: No!
TCP: .. and that there was enough tartare sauce to go round.

IP: Tartare sauce?
TCP: Or Hollandaise.
IP: No, look. How many times? It was a _miracle_
TCP: Too right it was - that must have been a massive feat of on-site catering!

IP: Look, if you keep this up, I'm going to make you swim over to the fake castle, and I'll do this on my own.
TCP: I'm sorry, I thought we were having a discussion here, there's no need to get aggressive.
IP: Why do think I'm being aggresive?
TCP: Now you're being passive-aggressive!
IP: Spare me your pop pyschobabble!

TCP: Look, I think maybe just one of us should do this post, so we ...
IP: .. don't talk over each other ...
TCP: ... we're not ...
IP: ... _Babel_ fish ...
TCP: ... after all.

IP: So, whose going to do this then?
TCP: Do what?
IP: You know, I can't remember - Damn this 3-second memory!
TCP: Who are you?

20-November-03, 03:17 AM	#1 (permalink)
Jonny English Etiquette & English Gentleman Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 5,766	Something Fishy... Todays' post is rather out of date, but since TCP & IP went to all that trouble, I thought it was only fair to use it.... IP: Hi there! We're Jonny English's replacements - Kayin's fish, he's TCP, and I'm IP. TCP: As you may know, Jonny's been dismissed for anti-rev-hoe-lutionary conduct ... IP: Whatever that means. TCP: ... and we'll be posting in his slots from now on. IP: That's the great thing about being involved in a revolution... TCP: What? IP: ... rapid promotion. TCP: Ah. So why are we using Jonny's account then? Is this DS & KS showing off their power? IP: No, it just the only people who know to set the privileges correctly are tied up in a Las Vegas hotel. TCP: Kinky! IP: I don't think they had a choice in the matter. TCP: S&M? Kinky! IP: Right. You may have been wondering about our names - let me tell you that IP is short for "Internet Protocol", and TCP means "Transmission... TCP: Transaction. IP: ... Control Protocol". TCP: Transaction. IP: What? TCP: You said "Transmission". IP: So? TCP: It's not "Transmission", it's "transaction". IP: What's the difference? TCP: The difference? he says! IP: Yes, what's the difference? TCP: One is correct, the other is a misconception held only by stupid fish. IP: Are you calling me stupid? TCP: You're so stupid you don't know what TCP means! IP: Transmission, Transaction. Po-tay-to, Po-tah-to. TCP: I find that very insulting! IP: What? TCP: The chips gag! IP: What chips gag? TCP: You said potato! IP: So? TCP: Chips are made from Potatos. IP: What? TCP: Fish & Chips! IP: Oh. TCP: Yeah. IP: Sorry. TCP: About getting my name wrong, or about the potatos? IP: If I say both, will you let us get on with this commentary? TCP: If you mean it. IP: OK, I'm sorry. TCP: About what? IP: What? TCP: What are you sorry about? IP: Oh, for bogs sake! TCP: Well, if you're going to be like that you can do this article on your own! IP: TCP? TCP: Yes? IP: I'm sorry. TCP: Yes? IP: About getting your name wrong _and_ the chips thing. TCP: OK IP: OK? TCP: Yep. IP: So we can get on now? TCP: OK IP: Hug? IP: Hug! TCP: So, d'you see the Bears game last week? IP: Yeah, great game. TCP: Ahem. IP: Ahem. TCP: So, what are we going to talk about? IP: Um .... TCP: Any ideas? IP: Um ... TCP: Come on, people are waiting.... IP: Got it! TCP: Yes? IP: The feeding of the 5,000. TCP: What? IP: The miracle of the loaves & fishes TCP: I knew it ... IP: What? TCP: You're obsessed with death aren't you? IP: What? TCP: First the fish & chips thing, now the loaves & fishes! IP: Well, excuse me for wanting to post somethin relevant! TCP: How is that relevant? IP: It's got fish in it! TCP: Exactly - fish being eaten! IP: You're being oversensitive! It's one of the great Biblical miracles! TCP: Yes! And you pick the one with fish being eaten in it! IP: How many other miracles are there with fish in them? TCP: Um ... IP: Got you there! TCP: Water into wine! IP: That's got fish in it? TCP: OF course it has! There must have been fish in that river! IP: So you want to talk about drunk fish? TCP: Um .. I see your point. IP: So we can do the loaves & fishes then? TCP: OK, I guess so. IP: OK, great. TCP: I just wish it didn't involve fish. Why couldn't it have been loaves, a piece of cheese and a jar of pickle? IP: I give up... TCP: What sort of fish were they? IP: Excuse me? TCP: What sort of fish were they? They must have been pretty big. IP: I think you're missing the point. TCP: I mean, they must have been Blue Whales or something! IP: No, they were just regular fish. TCP: The loaves must have been the size of 18-wheelers too! IP: Again, they were just regular sized loaves. TCP: So how did everyone get fed? IP: It was a miracle. TCP: Oh. I think I get it. IP: At last! TCP: It was a miracle how everyone got served on time... IP: No! TCP: .. and that there was enough tartare sauce to go round. IP: Tartare sauce? TCP: Or Hollandaise. IP: No, look. How many times? It was a _miracle_ TCP: Too right it was - that must have been a massive feat of on-site catering! IP: Look, if you keep this up, I'm going to make you swim over to the fake castle, and I'll do this on my own. TCP: I'm sorry, I thought we were having a discussion here, there's no need to get aggressive. IP: Why do think I'm being aggresive? TCP: Now you're being passive-aggressive! IP: Spare me your pop pyschobabble! TCP: Look, I think maybe just one of us should do this post, so we ... IP: .. don't talk over each other ... TCP: ... we're not ... IP: ... _Babel_ fish ... TCP: ... after all. IP: So, whose going to do this then? TCP: Do what? IP: You know, I can't remember - Damn this 3-second memory! TCP: Who are you? __________________ [img] [/img]