My Mother died August 19th, 2008 from complications of cancer. Ultimately it was a massive stroke, which was attributed to a regime of chemo therapy administered on two times a day basis, and on ill fated attempt to put her completely under to check her lungs for signs of infection. Not the way this story was statistically planned to end. She ultimately died from a stroke, after they put her under. She died in her artificially placed state of sleep.

That is the obituary part of this post - now let me tell you about this woman that raised me and 6 others. She was let us say, quite prolific but far from her notable aspects of her life. She was a rake and rambling woman - a twtst on her favorite country music artist's title. She was a long haul truck driver, she had been married 4 times, she was gargarious in an aspect rarely known and had many friends. In life many of us draw a circle and draw those whom we'd call friend into it - for me I can tell you without a doubt the total is 3. For her - the total I'll never be quite sure, for she'd befriend at meeting and them to decide if they'd keep the title. She was a free spirit, wearing a bandana in headband/hippy style til the end. She was never one to fall into any classification of any sort. She was to me only son, and even after her death I feel as though I bask in her love. She never relented, she never focused on the bad aspects of life long - and eager to forgive. Qualities I could only wish to hold.

She was a woman to whom would sway with the tide - she was fluid where I regret to say I'm fixed and static akin to steel. She was revered amongst friends and aquantences alike. She was quite simply: one helluva woman to which there shall be no other.

In this life one could should only hope to meet the aquantence of a woman of the character of my mother - she was arguable the most likable person you could ever meet. She was the pinicle of hostess - to all those whom visited, she gave what she could and never asked but a a bit in return. She held values of an idealistic nature, and never waned. This is a virtue I try to hold myself to, abit with a different twist, but a value held none the same. It's a hard line to hold - to always do what you say, to keep all the books paid if, but an honorable quality rarely spoke of I learned from her. I'd suggest to all that read this - it's a foundational aspect you should to learn if you don't know it now.

Let me tell you why this value (although one of many I learned from her) should be worthy of note, regardless of the stage it's presented worth knowing. In this world, many are filled with grief caused by regret - some vocal, some silent. To truly life without regret, there is not secret, it's but to live life by your word. I've done many terrible things in this world. I've sinned in ways that are not suitable to disclose in this forum.... but never did I fail to fulfill my word. I always knew, and owned up to the things I said and would do. I've known pain, just as she did in fulfilling our words - completing promises made at a time in kindness, and completed in a fashion we didn't imagen and caused personal pain although never with malice. This is what I learned.

But never in this world did this virtue allow us to intentionally hurt anyone. To go through this life in a fashion we'd claim wouldn't hurt anyone is a dream that'll never come to pass. Pain in this world is a given - it's but one of the two dues of life: the price of life is pain and to die. Cherish all other things - for they're but the reward of life itself. The heart has two pains - those of inaction and those of action, never let those of action (by intent of good action) haunt you. May you never be haunted by making a choice of malice action, for it shall hunt you relentlessly. It's ultimately all a gamble, hedge your bets well.

Neither her nor me were religious in the normal aspect. Normally placing by most measures closer to the agnostic end of the spectrum. In her passing I find not the need of faith in her finding a heaven - for if there is such a thing her entrance should not be denied. I find a need to tell of her - for a more glorious creature I cannot fathom. There is said line claiming "in the eyes of a child, a mother is their God," I wish to argue. She was not a deity, but she was worthy of mentioning in encapuslation of ying and yang. The nurturing, and the hard liner. She knew balance - and I will be thankful always.

Today is a little after a week after her passing. I mourn still, abit in a different fashion than most. She was a free spirit, I'm the last of the existentialists. Two idealistic planes, arguably quite different apart - but we always loved first, and argued the qualities of each out look.... never. Live this life without regret, and know pain it but an aspect - an strive to find peace within this. For pain is unpleasant - it's not justification to pass it on.

Iateronmly