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Darksamurai · 24-August-08, 04:44 PM

As I sit and work on my third essay this week, I begin to wonder why the hell I'm still doing this to myself. I'm 31, no kids, not married, my favorite vehicle I own is a battered, POS, 1987 Mitsubishi Mighty Max truck (Uhh, Dodge Ram 50) and I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be when I dreamed of the future as a little kid. I honestly couldn't get out of school fast enough when I was young and since I left, I've learned the value of an education. Although I'm not going to say I use all of it every single day, I would say it has changed my life a great deal.

My background is diverse and includes studies into private investigation, martial arts, survivalism, motorcycles, computer repair, software and programming, classic literature, auto repair, home repair, plumbing (crash course whilst being sprayed with gallons of water... I learned quick), math, science, religions of the world, writing, acupressure, reiki, electronics, circuitry, soldering, bits of several languages (French, Japanese, Spanish, Chinese and Italian) and a ton of other crap that I've "picked up" over the course of my life. Although I kind of fall into the old cliche of, "Jack of all trades, master of none", I'm pretty decent at most of what I do.

Some of this I gathered in the name of "being smart". I got lost in the realms of intellectual pursuit to satisfy my own ego for a bit, and I really thought I had the answers to where I wanted my life to go.

I met a special girl about four years ago (wow... I remember asking you guys if it was a good idea at the time... that was awhile ago!) and over the years she has helped me move towards what I wanted to do instead of what is expected of me. I loved my time as a systems admin, but I've also realized the risks of locking one's self into a profession. For those of you who remember when I first came to PCApex (PR) back in the day, I was unemployed, constantly looking for work and it was stressful as hell. It's been a long road. As I got money, I invested it back into my education and I still do. Still, I was going towards what I felt would be profitable or to try to look "smarter".

I started the journey going for my Master's degree with the idea that I was going to be a computing god. These days, I'm pretty happy with the idea that I have an Associate's in computers as it marks where I've been. My Bachelor's degree is in Psychology... my Master's might be in teaching if I can figure out how to get the internship done. My direction has changed radically over the last couple years. I like the idea of going back to studying computers at a pace that actually allows me to retain and use the information instead of "get a good grade! PURGE! Next class! Pack it in, c'mon, keep those grades comin'!" Graduating from my Associate's with a 3.7 GPA wasn't too bad (I probably could have done better, but my work schedule was hell) is proof I can manage through computer courses pretty decently, but I don't feel like I learned that much from it. I prefer to sink into it, to test it, to try it out and figure out what makes it tick... college hasn't given me the opportunity to do that so much as everything is on a real deadline. This has sucked a lot of the joys of learning computers from me. I was a lot happier learning on my own, but I will admit that NOT having a degree was causing me a great deal of grief when it came time to find computer jobs. I would say that college is worth the time to do it, but don't think that it is the end-all of education.

I've reevaluated just about everything in my life and I've come to the conclusion that the only answer that stays the same in life is, "This is what I get right now and this is where I'm going." My focus in life has altered substantially. Still, I love computers and technology (that will probably never change), but I've learned how to turn them back into something I love by not making it my only career choice. Since I moved back out of my parent's place (after ten months of unemployment I ended up moving home for awhile) and have gained control of my life again, I realize just how many negative influences I had allowed into my life. I've managed to move in directions I wouldn't have thought about a few years ago. I'm happier as a person than I have been in years (I'll be even happier when these damn college courses are over, but good things come and all that... ). On my continued love affair with computers, my next mod will probably be built into something like a car, home, or something as I'm finding more diverse uses for small boards. I'm still prone towards "nerdy" things, but I'm expanding my world and it feels good.

All in all, I would recommend finding someone who can support your desires instead of your status quo. My girlfriend and I are usually always on the same page, but she has taught me how to rewrite that page a little to make it a bit more interesting. Breaking into new worlds can make you feel a great deal more alive and refreshed. Every decision seems to take years away from my life (college, etc), but the results have left me breathing a sigh of relief. I feel a bit like Robert Frost in taking the path less travelled. I'm not going to say I've never had doubts about where I'm going, but at least it isn't donkey with the proverbial carrot I have been in the past.

All in all, I would suggest finding people who can shake up your world, but not leave it shattered. It can make a huge difference in the quality of your life. Exploration, education and evolution can keep a person happy as hell to be alive and always waiting for the next chance to continue to do more! It may not always be dynamic rock-climbing, but it can make you feel like you're not trapped in your life.

On that note... back to my essay!

24-August-08, 04:44 PM		#1 (permalink)
Darksamurai Sam-Hoe-rai N-Hoe-mad	Positive relationships and the future As I sit and work on my third essay this week, I begin to wonder why the hell I'm still doing this to myself. I'm 31, no kids, not married, my favorite vehicle I own is a battered, POS, 1987 Mitsubishi Mighty Max truck (Uhh, Dodge Ram 50) and I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be when I dreamed of the future as a little kid. I honestly couldn't get out of school fast enough when I was young and since I left, I've learned the value of an education. Although I'm not going to say I use all of it every single day, I would say it has changed my life a great deal. My background is diverse and includes studies into private investigation, martial arts, survivalism, motorcycles, computer repair, software and programming, classic literature, auto repair, home repair, plumbing (crash course whilst being sprayed with gallons of water... I learned quick), math, science, religions of the world, writing, acupressure, reiki, electronics, circuitry, soldering, bits of several languages (French, Japanese, Spanish, Chinese and Italian) and a ton of other crap that I've "picked up" over the course of my life. Although I kind of fall into the old cliche of, "Jack of all trades, master of none", I'm pretty decent at most of what I do. Some of this I gathered in the name of "being smart". I got lost in the realms of intellectual pursuit to satisfy my own ego for a bit, and I really thought I had the answers to where I wanted my life to go. I met a special girl about four years ago (wow... I remember asking you guys if it was a good idea at the time... that was awhile ago!) and over the years she has helped me move towards what I wanted to do instead of what is expected of me. I loved my time as a systems admin, but I've also realized the risks of locking one's self into a profession. For those of you who remember when I first came to PCApex (PR) back in the day, I was unemployed, constantly looking for work and it was stressful as hell. It's been a long road. As I got money, I invested it back into my education and I still do. Still, I was going towards what I felt would be profitable or to try to look "smarter". I started the journey going for my Master's degree with the idea that I was going to be a computing god. These days, I'm pretty happy with the idea that I have an Associate's in computers as it marks where I've been. My Bachelor's degree is in Psychology... my Master's might be in teaching if I can figure out how to get the internship done. My direction has changed radically over the last couple years. I like the idea of going back to studying computers at a pace that actually allows me to retain and use the information instead of "get a good grade! PURGE! Next class! Pack it in, c'mon, keep those grades comin'!" Graduating from my Associate's with a 3.7 GPA wasn't too bad (I probably could have done better, but my work schedule was hell) is proof I can manage through computer courses pretty decently, but I don't feel like I learned that much from it. I prefer to sink into it, to test it, to try it out and figure out what makes it tick... college hasn't given me the opportunity to do that so much as everything is on a real deadline. This has sucked a lot of the joys of learning computers from me. I was a lot happier learning on my own, but I will admit that NOT having a degree was causing me a great deal of grief when it came time to find computer jobs. I would say that college is worth the time to do it, but don't think that it is the end-all of education. I've reevaluated just about everything in my life and I've come to the conclusion that the only answer that stays the same in life is, "This is what I get right now and this is where I'm going." My focus in life has altered substantially. Still, I love computers and technology (that will probably never change), but I've learned how to turn them back into something I love by not making it my only career choice. Since I moved back out of my parent's place (after ten months of unemployment I ended up moving home for awhile) and have gained control of my life again, I realize just how many negative influences I had allowed into my life. I've managed to move in directions I wouldn't have thought about a few years ago. I'm happier as a person than I have been in years (I'll be even happier when these damn college courses are over, but good things come and all that... ). On my continued love affair with computers, my next mod will probably be built into something like a car, home, or something as I'm finding more diverse uses for small boards. I'm still prone towards "nerdy" things, but I'm expanding my world and it feels good. All in all, I would recommend finding someone who can support your desires instead of your status quo. My girlfriend and I are usually always on the same page, but she has taught me how to rewrite that page a little to make it a bit more interesting. Breaking into new worlds can make you feel a great deal more alive and refreshed. Every decision seems to take years away from my life (college, etc), but the results have left me breathing a sigh of relief. I feel a bit like Robert Frost in taking the path less travelled. I'm not going to say I've never had doubts about where I'm going, but at least it isn't donkey with the proverbial carrot I have been in the past. All in all, I would suggest finding people who can shake up your world, but not leave it shattered. It can make a huge difference in the quality of your life. Exploration, education and evolution can keep a person happy as hell to be alive and always waiting for the next chance to continue to do more! It may not always be dynamic rock-climbing, but it can make you feel like you're not trapped in your life. On that note... back to my essay!