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GrandpaNoob72 · 29-January-08, 01:28 PM

The internet never ceases to amaze me...

The vast amounts of information floating around in the shape of ones and zeros, mountains upon mountains of virtual knowledge, just waiting for our fingertips to enter the correct combination of numbers and letters, for them to coalesce into the Grail we seek, be it a recipe for Brazilian-style Black beans and Rice, a picture of the Crab Nebula, or the previous days' Heng-Sing stock market numbers...

It's all there for the taking, virtually anything you ever wanted to know (and some things you wish you had never thought of or wish you could forget)...

Not just the information we crave more than the air we breathe, but the tools with which to find said information... Yes, my electronically-inclined brothers and sisters, the TOOLS!

How wondrous the Google, care to Ask Jeeves? Forget not the built-in Search function! Cross-reference, sort, and assimilate! Boolean Soup, anyone?

What stuns me almost as much as the amount of useful (and yes, the useless as well) information on the 'net is that despite the information being there, just waiting to be called forward, and the tools with which to find it, that most people who are reluctant to use those wondrous tools seem to be:

1) Ignorant that Google (or any other Search Engine-type page) can actually help you find what you're looking for, usually within the first two pages of results... I've been there, as have you, can I get a "Praise the 'Net!"?

2) Afraid that they will possibly cause their computer to melt down, straining mightily under the virtual weight of information called forth by their efforts... Oh, how little they truly know...

3) Terrified that they may actually end up doing something for themselves, without having someone else do it for them... Goodness gracious, sakes alive!

4) Nervous that the Search Function on any given webpage will actually search THEIR computer's hard drives for all the naughty pictures they have accumulated over the past however long...

5) All of the above...

6) None of the above (read: some bizarre and irrational fear that I can't bring myself to think of at the writing of this article)...

For those who have not yet found the courage to baptize themselves into the Fellowship of the Frequent Googler, or the Sublime Sect of the Search Engineer, FEAR NOT, I tell you, FEAR NOT...

You will find answers to virtually any question you may have, or are yet to have. EVER... And then some...

If you do not understand the answers, a simple search will bring you to another temple of knowledge, wherein the explanation will make itself known to you, in the shape of small, monosyllabic words and crayon-rendered drawings, by the hands of Elementary-Schoolers much more electronically enlightened than yourself... I guess this is what most people fear and loathe so much they refuse to take the first step (or keystroke) on the journey of enlightenment...

In parting, remember, o Children of Informational Darkness:

GOOGLE IS YOUR FRIEND. Yesterday, today, and forever more...

AMEN!

29-January-08, 01:28 PM		#1 (permalink)
GrandpaNoob72 Eleven-Bravo Sitrep Writer	Fear and Loathing on the Internet The internet never ceases to amaze me... The vast amounts of information floating around in the shape of ones and zeros, mountains upon mountains of virtual knowledge, just waiting for our fingertips to enter the correct combination of numbers and letters, for them to coalesce into the Grail we seek, be it a recipe for Brazilian-style Black beans and Rice, a picture of the Crab Nebula, or the previous days' Heng-Sing stock market numbers... It's all there for the taking, virtually anything you ever wanted to know (and some things you wish you had never thought of or wish you could forget)... Not just the information we crave more than the air we breathe, but the tools with which to find said information... Yes, my electronically-inclined brothers and sisters, the TOOLS! How wondrous the Google, care to Ask Jeeves? Forget not the built-in Search function! Cross-reference, sort, and assimilate! Boolean Soup, anyone? What stuns me almost as much as the amount of useful (and yes, the useless as well) information on the 'net is that despite the information being there, just waiting to be called forward, and the tools with which to find it, that most people who are reluctant to use those wondrous tools seem to be: 1) Ignorant that Google (or any other Search Engine-type page) can actually help you find what you're looking for, usually within the first two pages of results... I've been there, as have you, can I get a "Praise the 'Net!"? 2) Afraid that they will possibly cause their computer to melt down, straining mightily under the virtual weight of information called forth by their efforts... Oh, how little they truly know... 3) Terrified that they may actually end up doing something for themselves, without having someone else do it for them... Goodness gracious, sakes alive! 4) Nervous that the Search Function on any given webpage will actually search THEIR computer's hard drives for all the naughty pictures they have accumulated over the past however long... 5) All of the above... 6) None of the above (read: some bizarre and irrational fear that I can't bring myself to think of at the writing of this article)... For those who have not yet found the courage to baptize themselves into the Fellowship of the Frequent Googler, or the Sublime Sect of the Search Engineer, FEAR NOT, I tell you, FEAR NOT... You will find answers to virtually any question you may have, or are yet to have. EVER... And then some... If you do not understand the answers, a simple search will bring you to another temple of knowledge, wherein the explanation will make itself known to you, in the shape of small, monosyllabic words and crayon-rendered drawings, by the hands of Elementary-Schoolers much more electronically enlightened than yourself... I guess this is what most people fear and loathe so much they refuse to take the first step (or keystroke) on the journey of enlightenment... In parting, remember, o Children of Informational Darkness: GOOGLE IS YOUR FRIEND. Yesterday, today, and forever more... AMEN! Last edited by GrandpaNoob72; 29-January-08 at 03:41 PM.